Life on the spectrum-draft

-

 At the age of 42, I was tested extensively by a psychiatrist which resulted in a diagnosis of Pervasive Personality Disorder or Asperger's Syndrome.  What led to this testing was the fact that two of my sons had been diagnosed with Asperger's while young. They both have different mothers and I am the only link between them.  The mothers found each other on social media and began chatting.  This was done to help develop a relationship between them so that my sons could get to know one another.  What happened with that is another story for another day.  As the mothers chatted, one mentioned that her son had been diagnosed on the autism spectrum--specifically with Asperger's.  That's when the other mother said that her son was also diagnosed with Asperger's.  Well, the next time she was with her son's doctor, she mentioned the other son's Asperger's diagnosis.  The doctor asked if the father(me) had ever been checked for it.  That's when the mom contacted me and asked if I had ever been tested.  Since I hadn't, I sought out a psychiatrist in the area who could do the testing.

Now, let's back up a bit.  Anyone who knows me knows that I can never just tell a story.  There will always be tangents where I veer off, sidebars to offer other bits relative to the story, random information that pops into my head due to a word triggering a another brief tale pertinent to the main story. etc., etc., etc.  All my life I have felt left out, that I didn't belong, that I must be from another planet, that I just didn't get "it"(whatever tf  'it' is), that I didn't fit in--anyone with Asperger's would know exactly where I am come from with this, whereas a neurotypical(NT--i.e., "normal" person) would be scratching their head in bewilderment.


  This led to a hellish lifescape of


so I did. but I had read a book about it to better relate to one of my sons. I felt I was reading a biography of my life. I had never dealt with it, just learned to survive the best I could.

so i saw many therapists and doctors, took lots of medications that did nothing, many things, without knowing what was wrong. that was how I felt--that there was something wrong with me

I've always been good one-on-one with people. but if I was with several people at once, I would shut down. unless I was drinking alcohol or smoking cannabis. only then I could be social

I tend to talk to people than to talk with people

I normally don't say anything if in a group, unless I am on the side with just one person. when I smoked tobacco, I would go out for a cigarette, and have really good chats with another smoker. afterwards, someone would comment on how quiet i was, and the other smoker would talk about how much I knew and how friendly I was

lol yes. though it is more that I am overwhelmed by all the sensory information coming in from so many people that it is hard to know what to say. always ended up saying strange or awkward things. or saying some odd fact, like "did you know that this happened?"

successful people with Asperger's learn to play roles. so I have learned many roles in my life. one is as a teacher. to have people in my home, I play the role of a host. this is why I have strict rules for my guests, so they don't disrupt my routines very much

so difficult guests can make it hard for me to deal with them. so find out that I have Asperger's and do things to purposely bother me and make me upset. but I've learned to adapt well and to be myself

put things back where you got it from. clean up after yourself. don't be loud after a certain time. everyone leave me alone after 10(this was so i could sleep easier. if overstimulated too late in evening, then it took longer to fall asleep

a wife needs to know that I will be quiet a lot. that I will be absorbed by a book or by my special interest at the time

but I've had 4 wives. mainly because i didn't know about my Asperger's thus not knowing how to talk about thing. if I have a problem, I will overthink it. sometimes for several days, sometimes never saying anything because it was easier to forget the problem than to deal with it. or to hold things in. then one day list so many things that were bothering me that it would end the relationship/ it has been hard on me

I have always been a very open person. which I think is also an Asperger's trait lol




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular Posts

weird scenes inside the gold mine

-
Image
Weird synchronicities, interesting events, and odd coincidences in my life ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------ -------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------ -------- ------------------------------------------------------   I forgot to post this a few days ago on the proper day, so here it is a few days late! For you younger folks on my friends' list, back in the day when everyone listened to the radio, this song became a legend which was rarely heard due to its 18 minute length. When I was an university student, most rock stations would do an all-day Thanksgiving fundraiser for various charitable endeavors, most being for feeding various groups, since Thanksgiving is a feeding sort of holiday. I mean, when you really think about it,...
Read more

PET/CT scan results, 13 July 2023

-
Image
  Comments from the Doctor's Office I have reviewed the results of your PET CT scan. There is evidence of spread to the liver, bone, right adrenal gland, in addition to the known involvement of the lung which is more extensive than appreciated on your prior CT. The extent of disease at this point would prohibit the utilization of surgery. Primary treatment would be some type of systemic therapy. Please send me a MyChart message if you have any additional questions. Thank you for choosing MUSC! Jennifer Lynn Harper, MD Study Result Impression IMPRESSION: Intensely active left apical lung carcinoma with extensive bilateral hilar/mediastinal adenopathy, lymphangitic carcinomatosis throughout both lungs, intensely active osseous metastasis throughout the axial and appendicular skeleton not present 2 years ago on CT PET scan as well as numerous intensely active hepatic metastasis and right adrenal metastatic lesion. SIGNATURE: Electronically Signed By: Noel Phipps M.D. On: 07/13/2023 16...
Read more

Ravings of a Lunatic--Poetry from my younger days

-
Image
    Some of My Old Poetry Some of my old poetry for ya... **********************//// =================== ********************** Hooded Whisperings - 11PM Sitting there, legs crossed, cloaked in black A smile touches her lips, she gazes into my eyes, Her hands hold my vision, my escape, my peace In her folds, I peer out and and see the alien world Surrounding me, castigating me, persecuting me Her fingers caress the nape of my neck I shudder ecstatically, lost in her mind We watch those about us, amused, afraid On my path she's been as a shadow, another self My footprints she covers with her own Face concealed, hidden, only glints break through My reflection stares back from the depths Our meeting long forgotten, our visits brief Our time enjoyed, despised, sought after, run from See my accomplishments, my failure Accept my friend, feel her mirth, her ire Cringe not, embrace and be filled. ****************...
Read more