weird scenes inside the gold mine
Weird synchronicities, interesting events, and odd coincidences in my life
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I forgot to post this a few days ago on the proper day, so here it is a few days late!
For you younger folks on my friends' list, back in the day when everyone listened to the radio, this song became a legend which was rarely heard due to its 18 minute length. When I was an university student, most rock stations would do an all-day Thanksgiving fundraiser for various charitable endeavors, most being for feeding various groups, since Thanksgiving is a feeding sort of holiday.
I mean, when you really think about it, the entire premise of Thanksgiving is to commemorate some starving settlers being fed by those they colonized, which made the entire colonization scheme legitimate. You know, "look, we killed a shit-ton of these people with diseases we brought to their land, and, because we are pompous Puritan knobs who depended on God to provide and failed to plant any food for ourselves, these dumbass Natives who cannot even speak English, have brought us some food and so we can have a gigantic feast!!! Let us eat and give thanks for this bounty of food!!!" And the Native Americans, who really brought these starving Anglos enough food to survive the winter without dying, were like "What are these stupid white fucks doing? This food is supposed to last for six fricking months! And these bell-ends are going to have a fricking feast and eat it all at one go?!? WTF is wrong with these Bible-thumpers?!? Yo, tell everyone to come to the party that 'we' are throwing with the Anglos. And from now on, only bring a day's worth of provisions for these dumbfucks!!!"
Thus, on Thanksgiving, when most US citizens are stuffing their faces with enormous amounts of food, radio stations would hope to catch those with their radios on and appeal to their generosity by having these charity fund-raising events. Most stations would play requests for donations, with the most popular songs only being played when a certain threshold of money was given. Which is to say, if $500 is pledged, then they would play Led Zepplin's 'Stairway to Heaven', or Lynyrd Skynyrd's 'Freebird'. Now the big moneymaker for this fundraising event was Arlo Guthrie's 'Alice's Restaurant Massacre'! It's 18:15 length meant it would never be played normally as it would cut into the station's ad revenue on regular air days. But on Thanksgiving Day, playing it meant the DJ could run to the crapper, smoke a doob, eat a sandwich, get a quickie with a radio groupie, basically any activity that could consume 18 minutes in return for sacrificing their Holiday with their family because they had to work that day.
Arlo's classic song was rarely heard and many music stores didn't carry the album since it would gather dust in the bins and take up valuable space from more popular sellers. Thus 'Alice' had a mythical status among rock fans. And due to its length, DJs would peg its fundraising capacity at a stellar $5000 mark. Once that was reached, then the airwaves would resound with the opening bars of the wonderful spoken word, with a four part harmony, live version, with crowd participation, of the infamous 'Alice's Restaurant Massacre'. In it Arlo relates a story of what happened one Thanksgiving morning when he and a friend decided to take out the trash for his friend, Alice. I won't tell you anymore of the story of the Massacre as Arlo tells it so well!!! But, everyone, at some phase of their life, deserves to set aside 18 1/4 minutes of their life in order to learn about the Alice's Restaurant Massacre!
And, before I finish so you can either experience 'Alice' for the first time, or to relive that first time you heard it by hearing it again, let me share an interesting story I have about how 'Alice' affected my life.
When I was in university, I was a young newlywed and new homeowner, and my in-laws came up to visit us for Thanksgiving. Because I worked all the time as well as carrying a full load of classes, it was impossible for my wife and I to go home for the holidays. My mother-in-law was a fantastic cook and fabulous person all around, and loved me to death. The year before, I had to work all day on Thanksgiving, as I was a student dispatcher for campus security and manned the desk at the campus welcome center. The holiday season was the best time to pick up megahours and lotsa bucks. My mother-in-law prepared the entire feast and I had arranged for a large table and chairs to be brought to the welcome center. We feasted, along with the elderly security guard assigned that shift, due to the love this woman had for me!
And the following year, this is why the family packed up their cars and drove the two hours to visit us again for the feasting day that is Thanksgiving! As the meal was being prepared, there was several bags of trash that accumulated. We lived in the country and there was no trash pickup where we were, so I had to drive to the local county dumpster site.
For those familiar with the song, the coincidence was uncanny. The dumpster site was about ten minutes away from the house which meant I had enough time to go and return and the meal would be ready to eat. Plus, the biggest bonus for me was the fact I would have enough time to smoke a joint and stoke my appetite for the feast-to-come and to mellow out my massive anxiety due to the crowd here for the holiday! So I loaded the car with the bags of trash and drove to the dumpster location, smoking and listening to WRDU, which was THE station in that area for the best music possible at any time of the day! The trash was disposed of, I headed home, and I was less than a hundred yards from my driveway with the turn signal on, when the DJ made an announcement. The fundraising goal had been met and 'Alice' was up next!!!
As the opening bars of the song came on, I flicked the turn signal off, stepped on the gas and, as my driveway faded in the rearview mirror, i fired up another doob, and cruised through the quiet countryside, listening to Arlo tell all about the Massacre. The gods had to have been smiling at me that day as the timing of it all was too perfect. I mean, Thanksgiving, trash, gathering to feast, and the SONG coming on right when it did!!! I drove and sang along with Arlo, in the four part harmony, the entire story of Alice, the trash, the Massacre, Officer Obie, the criminal justice system, the Vietnam War, the draft, and how you can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant(excepting Alice)! I timed my diversion drive perfectly and as the last few bars of the song were being played, 18 1/4 minutes later, my driveway appeared again.
When I entered the house, I was completely fried, like a tater at a fast food joint(btw, thank the heavens for Visine!!!), and explained away my tardiness with a story about there being a line at the dumpster site. I mean, how could I really explain the wondrous synchronicity of the events that morning garbage dumpster run culminating with 'Alice' appearing when it did!!!
The feast was delicious!! We all had that Thanksgiving belly bulge when we had finished eating. And my anxiety was dampened enough that the afternoon socializing went smoothly.
Now, my lovely FB friends, please find the time today to set aside 18 1/4 minutes to be carried away by the fantastic tale of the Alice's Restaurant Massacre and the glorious message behind it!!! I promise that you won't regret it, whether it is your first time, or your tenth time, or your thousandth time.
Enjoy!!!
https://youtu.be/m57gzA2JCcM
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Winter weather power outages!
that's why I have an old-fashioned gas heater. Works whether the weather is or not complying power-wise!
My dad said to have a gas stove to cook on so no matter how horrible the weather, you could at least eat. And Just a few months after I bought my house in Kalamazoo, MI, we had a freezing rain storm in mid-Oct. The leaves hadn't fallen yet, so we had limbs, branches, and trees down everywhere in town, so power was out in most neighborhoods. I had a gas central furnace, but learned really fast that it had a power igniter and powered blowers. No juice meant no heat! Gawd, it was cold af in that house! Took them about 6 hours to get the power back up. My roomies and I hunkered down at a coffee house in a neighborhood that had power. We would send expeditions into our 'hood to see if power had been restored. We drank way too much coffee that day! And had to wait a while after power was back on so house would heat up to be somewhat comfortable. We puffed so hard that evening to come down off those caffeine jitters. lol! Though temps never get as cold as western Michigan(saw -17F, with -35F wind chill a few times), I made sure to have a heat source here that did not need electricity to operate!
Imagine seeing a few flurries at bedtime and waking up to 48-60" on the ground at sunrise!
What I liked the best was the stillness of the night after a heavy snow. The snow seemed to absorb all sound. And the streetlights in the city, or the moonlight in the countryside, made the snow glitter like diamonds, or glitter, on all it touched! Hard to describe how the entire landscape sparkled everywhere you looked! The snow could have so many characteristics. I can see how it is said that the Inuits have 40 words for snow. Some was feathery light and was soooooo easy to clear from the drive. And we had some that was wet and heavy, though it looked like nothing at all until you started to shovel it. That was also called "heart attack snow". You were wore slap out after muscling that out of your way! But in the ten years I lived there, I was always like a little kid every time I saw a flake fall! And the first time I witnessed a snowfall in Michigan, it hit in the evening, and we went sledding at midnight, I taught them the wonders of a snow bong hit!(pack a bong full of snow and it is like nothing you've ever had!!! Filling a bong with ice is NOT the same!). We got a couple of feet that night. Next day, my roomies asked if I wanted to go to the store, and I asked how? They said, what do ya mean? and I looked outside and saw the streets were completely clear of snow!!! Hell, in 1988 it snowed 4" in Harnett County and schools were closed for several weeks!! lol lol lol In Michigan, 4ft meant nothing! My ex-wife said her school bus would fly down snowy roads and bust through snow drifts taller than the bus. She could not comprehend that schools would even consider being closed due to snow.
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Back in the mid 90s, I had an acquaintance who lived in Hickory. A true hillbilly fella from that transition area of the extreme upper reaches of the piedmont region, but not yet in the mountains. He was was a chill hippie dude but redneck AF. Still, I never saw what was coming later!
We met at a hippie event in KY and hit it off. The two of us and a sweet hippie sister from Austin spent the next couple of months going to hippie and pagan festivals around the northeastern and midwestern states. As most hippie folks leaned vegetarian, he would tell the hippies that he was a pagan "because he ate meat." Which had nothing to do with defining paganism, but it worked for him.
-->Met Timothy Leary at one of the pagan festivals that we attended in NY state.
Now in the late 90s, the guy came to visit me for an extended stay to help me do some work on my old house. I live about 35 miles due north of Myrtle Beach, SC, in the lower coastal plain. He had someone drive him down and brought a bunch of smaller concrete statues with him. He was hoping to sell them to folks around here. He gifted me with one of the 24" models and wanted me to display it on my front porch. The 36" model he wanted to put out by my mailbox so, as he put it, "everybody around can see 'em! If folks want one, they can pull in to get 'em one. And it will keep the 'wrong people' from coming 'round!"
-->The statues were little Klansmen! Yes, you hear that right, little statues of Ku Klux Klansmen! In two convenient sizes of hatred--24" and 36". Or, two feet tall and three feet tall little pointy hooded f*ckers! And he thought I would just love to have one of these on my porch and that I would be happy to put one out in front of my house on the highway!! He acted as though they were no different than garden gnomes folks have in their flower beds!
He was a little offended when I declined his gift, even more when I said "hell to the no" at having one at the road as an advertisement. Now, a few weeks later, I returned him to the Hickory environs he hailed from, along with his "little buddies." We headed up a holler several miles out of town to score a "sac-a-gud-weeda". And, I kid you not, almost every trailer, shack, and dwelling, had a pair of those little Klansmen standing at attention on both sides of their driveways. As the statues were sold plain, some took the time to paint their "guys" with some painting the appropriate symbols, some even added in a fiery torch. At one house they had rigged up a torch in their Klansman's hands which lit up! It was on this jaunt that he proudly pointed out just how many Klan statues were in the Hickory area, and we could have made a ton of money selling in my small town, And, for the first time, he felt it was okay to drop the 'N-word" into every other sentence! When I departed Hickory, that was the last time I saw my acquaintance.
So, Hickory having a gigantic Rebel flag flying is not surprising at all. And every racist SOB in that area will tell you that it is "heritage, not hate" behind that flag!
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My little town, Tabor City, is known far and wide as "Razor City", because the citizens loved to have drunken fights with straight razors--this was in the 1940s and 50s! Town was dry, but sits on the SC/NC border. No booze in town, but less than a 1/2 mile from downtown was the "Line" and bootleg joints galore. Combine alcohol, rednecks, women, pool, jukeboxes, & straight razors, and you have all the ingredients for a wild weekend night!
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My paternal grandfather's name was Herbert Gomez Prince.
My first university roommate at Campbell U. was Herbert Gomez.
My grandmother turned white as a sheet when I showed her my roommate assignment card when it came in the mail.
Imagine that!
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In my travels around the US, I rock hounded in every place I went that had anything possible to find. Got pulled over once in Indiana and freaked out a cop by picking up "pretty rocks" by the road as they searched my van.(I did the hippie thing, living in a van, seeing the country.)
1st Yr: NC >VA >WV >KY >OH >IN >KY >TN >NC >VA >DC >VA >NC >TN >KY >IN >OH >WV >MD >PA >NY >OH >MI >OH >NY >PA >MD >VA >NC >TN >KY >OH >MI >OH >WV>NC >KY >IN >IL >AR >OK >KS >CO >WY >ID >UT >NV >CA >AZ >NM >TX >LA >MS >AL >GA >SC >NC
2 Yr: NC >SC >GA >AL >MS >LA >MS >AL >FL
no!!! just a hippie. lindsay was the deadhead. i liked the parking lot scene where i could meet up with other rainbow hippies.
saw one show. Charlotte Spring '92. was sold bunk acid and dead only played covers of other 50s and early 60s bands. They played none of their hits, so it was a huge disappointment. but went to the parking lots of about a dozens shows. Chapel Hill F92, Deer Creek S93, RichfieldF93, Orlando S94, Charlotte S95, Atlanta S95, Tampa S95, great way to score sheets(100 hits) of acid for $100!
did make some cash at shows, mainly from selling ciggies. Sold Marlboro and Camels. Taking a cue from other hawkers on the "Lot", I would cry out "Get your Red Hot Veggie Cigarettes!" & "Get your Ice Cold Veggie Cigarettes!" If someone questioned my phasing, I always answered, "There ain't any meat in these!"
Never had much time for their music. Linds had over a hundred shows on tape. and to me, they all sounded identical. lol
i gave my son here a middle name of woodstock, met his mom at 25th reunion at yasgur's farm, but he's a stoner because me & his ma were hippies.
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| Fall 1995 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ |
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There was a barista at Boogie's in the "Zoo" that I got to know pretty well. And, as I got to know him, found out he could score bags of weed fairly well. He had a preferred term of bud and it was a "sac-a-gud-weeda", which I thought was a great name for it and a good pun. After buying from him multiple times, I was in the coffee house and paid for my order with a few of the dollar coins featuring Sacagawea, the Native American guide for the Lewis and Clark Expedition. Now these coins had a gold-looking plating and were a flop circulation wise in the US. The guy had never seen one of these coins! He thought I was pranking him by trying to pay with the coins. I explained that it was legal tender and told him to look a the person on the front of the coin. I then explained who she was and how she was significant to the country's history. He did not know that we even had dollar coins in the US!
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| The Sacagawea Golden Dollar Coin |
From a google review for the Sewee Outpost on Hwy17:
On Hwy 17, outside of Charleston, on the way north to Georgetown, and to that redneck and Yankee retiree paradise, Myrtle Beach, you will find the glorious Sewee Outpost.
Tucked under towering live oaks, you would think that this gem was from another century. Nestled as it is in this bastion of nature, it is without the trappings, and without the tawdriness or gaudiness that is found in normal roadside businesses you will find in 90% of the United States.
When you notice the gas pumps and store full of modern refreshments, noshes, and conveniences, you will be yanked swiftly back into the 21st century. And are lured inside to part with the filthy lucre filling your pockets.
Unique store awaits you with a tremendous variety of fishing, camping and outdoorsman gear, huge selection of snacks and beverages, books, various sundry items, and a few surprises if you spend a little extra time searching around the shelves. You'll find a gigantic selection of candy, some modern and well-known, some old-timey and close to forgotten. You'll be curious as to how they were able to find them all.
The great, friendly and welcoming staff are there to assist you in leaving your money behind. Try not to linger as your eye will be enticed by the wondrous wares on display.
Great country ham biscuits!!!!
(If you need an explanation of what a country ham biscuit happens to be, then we all know "you're not from round here".) So, walk confidently and self assuredly to the biscuit case, and grab a large selection of the various biscuits on display. Pay the sweet ladies at the counter for them. Go back to your car, get right with God, and enter culinary heaven as you take the first airy, buttery bite.
Whatever you do, don't waste your time stopping at the cluttered, cramped, and "quaint(if you're an alcoholic albatross)" Sewee Restaurant on the opposite side of the road a few hundred feet down from the Fabled Sewee Outpost. There is absolutely nothing on their befuddled menu of ill-prepared swill that could compare to the Outpost's delectable, delicious, filling, and downright sinful country ham biscuits.
Prepare to cover your wee children's ears as someone may let a bit of foul language slip once they've raced to the back left-hand corner of the Outpost and find these treasures sold out for the day!!!(that's why I told you to go out to your car and get right with God. You may need his help if you cleaned out the biscuit case and someone was denied their piece of heaven that day. And that person notices you sitting in your car, surrounded by biscuit wrappers, engorged on biscuits, covered in biscuit crumbs your neophyte self let slip from your fingers as you gobbled down biscuit after biscuit after biscuit.)
Yes, you can offer me accolades once you have fallen in love with these biscuits. And, if I understand correctly, they offer other cooked foods as well. Wow, if these other foods are anything like the biscuits, it could make an atheist look for salvation in a higher power!!!
Super clean restrooms.
Worth a stop for nothing more than the ham biscuit!
GET A HAM BISCUIT!!!
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in my University yrs, i spent a summer working with a master carpenter, also worked on a paint crew. hung drywall, and done so many other construction things growing up on farm, while traveling, on the two other houses i owned. always did my own fix-it projects. my dad went blind from diabetes when i was 12-3, and after that, i did everything that had to be done to run the farm, handle our workers and tenants, the 30+ herd of cattle, gardens, firewood production for us and for sale-delivery-collections, etc.
when i moved back here, i made the repairs i could to the house. hired people to do roof replace windows, doors, & siding, did everything else myself. rebuilt the farm itself and took care of my mom and dealt with her ever-insistent need for attention--medical, personal, emotional, and dealing with interfering siblings that didn't want to do anything to help me or my mom, but wanted every dime she had. the emotional toll was drastic on me. i aged ten years in just a couple.
getting vols to come to the farm was great. the first year it was a way to have free labor to do things i couldn't do by myself.
in the second year, i realized that of of these kids wanted to learn as much as they could, and i was a teacher(and loved it) right out of uni. so i shifted my focus from having free labor, to teaching(and learning more myself) these kids all the life skills i could. not just farming, but everything i could pass on, whether knowledge or skills. from planting, harvesting, plant and animal care, butchering, preserving food, making a fire, shooting, swimming, even dancing lol. and it gave me something to do with my land and my time, and, most importantly, my mind. i left a university town where i spent most evening reading in coffee houses and having great conversations with intellectuals, professors, and students, and a few nuts. constant stimulation of my mind. then i moved to bumfuck nowhere. when i moved here, the collective IQ raised 30 points. lol
because of me, more people in this town experienced meeting foreigners than ever in their lives. people learned that if they saw a group of young people walking down the road, "talking funny", that they were staying with that Prince fella who has the farm on the edge of town, Ms Peggy's and Mr. Fat's son, the one who fixed up the Prince house. i had local tv, and papers contact me to do stories about what i had going on, but always refused. this wasn't something i was doing for attention or anything other than giving back. instead of a roadside stand to sell extra produce, i gave parcels of veg & fruits to local elderly folks--the normal folk I knew growing up. but Nicholas came in and instead of learning to work from sun-up to sundown to working volunteer hours 9-noon, 1-3, and those are still the hours he works. instead of puffing at the end of the day, after a good dinner, relaxing in the living room and chatting, he smokes all day if he has it, and his productivity slows down loads.
he really needs to get used to working normal hours, 8 or more a day. jumping on chances for overtime, etc. he needs to learn about hard work. he cannot comprehend a year i had in uni, where i was taking 20 credit hours, auditing a 5 hour pharmaceutical biochem course, working 2-3 hours lunch shift 11a-1/2p at a local pizza/sub joint, plus afternoon/evening shifts on weekends there. and worked 5-midnight at a distribution warehouse M-F. was married and had my first house then, at 21. all that to make it. went through uni years where i supported myself and paid for it all with scholarships, grants, loans, nothing from parents as they didn't have it, but it was nothing as i grew up running the farm for my dad.
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***My Cancer!***
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A diagnosis of cancer is such skull-fuckery, that it is not easy to put into words. if you notice, i only presented the facts with mine, never really any emotional posts
remember that i had my oldest son, Justin. die. then, in under two weeks, I got my biopsy results back, all in under two weeks. major brain-fuck/major heart-stab, but, hey, gotta deal, or you cannot get thru it.
So here it is:
For a little over a year now, I have been battling another cancer.
This is a battle that I started fighting 6 years ago in 2016, and thought I won.
Then, by the end of 2017, it was back and I had to deal with it again.
In Jan 2018, I lost my voice, and with it, my ability to really influence people as I had always been told I had a "way with words".
https://youtu.be/4eDQen1CLAU
A couple of weeks after the laryngectomy, a fistula developed. To be precise, an esophagocutaneous fistula opened a few inches above my stoma. If I drank water or any fluids, it would leak out of the fistula and, if i was lucky, down the skin of my neck. Or, at worst, into my stoma.
Shared with Your friends
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| Pectoral flap fistula repair-Feb 2018 |
Looks like the surgery to close the fistula will be on the 22nd of Feb 
...then another 7 to 10 days in hospital to recover 
...then, if all goes well, real food again!!! 
I have been obsessing over food for sooooo long
...everything makes me think of food
...I've been planning out various delectable meals
--in extensive, elaborate, & delicious detail--many, many times each day
--sometimes multiple times per hour
...then another 7 to 10 days in hospital to recover ...then, if all goes well, real food again!!! I have been obsessing over food for sooooo long...everything makes me think of food ...I've been planning out various delectable meals--in extensive, elaborate, & delicious detail--many, many times each day--sometimes multiple times per hourIf you would like a more detailed description of what I have gone through, check out this page:
Laryngeal Cancer Treatment
ml.
Oncologist ordered a routine blood test a few weeks after my 10 Feb. surgery.
Results came back showing cancer DNA in my blood.
CT scan yesterday showed another sarcoma in exactly the same place as before and almost the same size! Still only completely localized.
Meet with two ENT surgeons on 20 Apr. Oncologist yesterday said this surgery will be followed by a round of radiation and immunotherapy. Not sure about chem. Overall prognosis isn't that great. Keep me in your thoughts.
Once this is done, I want to do some international travel. If anyone has any frequent flyer miles they would like to donate to me, let me know. Not sure of how long I have to do bucket list things, but I do want to check off a few things.
But I kept going, I didn't let this get me down.
Last year, I notices a burning in my throat.
I had to push my doctors to check it out.
Then when it was, I heard that damned "C" word again.
Can you imagine what that was like for me???
Then, there were tests, scans, surgery in November.
Told surgery wasn't successful, so we need to do more.
Told 2 days before Christmas, that I had 1-3 years left to live--that was a helluva Christmas present, don't you think?
I had to fight to get them to try surgery again.
But they would not be aggressive like I wanted.
In February this year, more test, scans, another surgery--yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!! this one was successful, all cancer gone!
One oncologist had ordered a blood test but it was not done until over a month after the Feb surgery.
A new sarcoma, same size as before, in the exact same place.
it burns, sort of like extremely bad heartburn. was like this before last surgery. pain meds help. still waiting on a date for surgery
More tests, scans, and a very aggressive surgery--complete neck dissection, a muscle transplant to repair the dissection.
I died three times during the first week after this surgery--luckily, my spirit's will to live was stronger than my body's wish to die.
Not even a few weeks later, I began chemo and radiation and spent 6 weeks away from my home, my comfort zone.
Even after all that, I'm still not sure if I am in the clear.
I still may only have about five years left before another cancer appears.
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welcome to my world. being in a small town made me basically give up on finding relationships other than thru the internet. now multiply it by a factor of a thousand since i've become a laryngectomee.
mobility and strength of left arm is as strong if not strong than a year ago when this current bout with cancer began. mobility is fine with range of motion, etc. even with latissimus dorsi transplanted.
other things:
left arm cannot support my weight for most yoga positions, so not sure if there is a non-traditional type of yoga which can be done without using left arm as bodily support. that has gone on since pectoral flap in '18. have had yogis volunteer here and asked about yoga that can be done without using left arm and all were going to look into it for me, but none ever got answers to me
did you have chemo? chemo and rad can cause brain fog. which can improve. i've noticed a bit too, but i'm on a heavy med load due to side-effects
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I've been a lary since 2018 due to laryngeal cancer. And in 2021-2, dealt with surgeries and treatments for oropharyngeal cancer.
I've had 5 surgeries too. Chemo and two bouts of targeted radiation therapy
Radiation is the gift that keeps on giving.
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Found out last year that one of my great uncles had a lary. But he died about 6 months later.
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I had major surgery(neck dissection and reconstruction due to cancer) in mid-May and a several week(15 days) hospital stay afterwards.
On paperwork I filled out prior to the surgery, it asked what was my "preferred name".
My name is Nicholas and I usually write "Nick" as my preferred name.
This time, I decided to have some fun and wrote "McLovin" from the movie “Superbad” instead.
My ID bracelet and all hospital records had “McLovin” on them. Even correspondence from the hospital used “McLovin” as my first name”!
So, for two weeks, I was the most talked about patient throughout the hospital there!
Now I'm back for six weeks of radiation treatments and chemotherapy, and changed preferred name back to "McLovin".
A reply to above:
You had neck surgery and your name is Nicholas? You missed the opportunity of a life time there bud...
You should have wrote Nicholas de Mimsy Porpington, or you know,
Nearly headless Nick.
Side note to this:
Looking forward to the day that I get pulled over leaving the hospital, so I can whip out the McLovin DL "by mistake" and hand it to a cop. Bet I get a good laugh and no ticket! Fingers crossed. lol
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"Dr. Death"
In 2021, a biopsy found that I had an oropharyngeal squamous cell sarcoma(on base of tongue).
On 12 Nov 2021, I had the first TORS procedure for theLentsch, who did the procedure, just happened to leave margins that were not clear. When I saw him at post-op appt after coming home, he told me there was cancer left behind.
Aside-->Now, he, most of the Wellin Clinic Oncological ENT Dept along many other cancer specialists in all disciplines at MUSC(as well as most of their staff-NPs, RN, administrative folks), were departing to go to a rival hospital in the Charleston area to start a brand new cancer dept. from scratch. Trident Healthcare Systems offered tons of cash to these doctors, new state-of-the-art equipment, everything to make them seem to be THE premiere cancer center in the entire region!!! The new center was to open on 1 Dec 2021! On 23 Nov, Lentsch informs that the margins were not clear, and he could schedule surgery at Trident for me the following week to remove the remainder of the cancer, easy-peasy. I declined to leave MUSC as I was getting other things done there. Please I realized that the Oncological ENT Dept has failed me in many aspects as I had come to them after beginning cancer treatment somewhere else. This being compared to receiving care at MUSC from diagnosis onward. Lentsch tried multiple times during the appt to get me to move to Trident. His final tidbit to me was that his nurse practitioner(who was cute af, but had plumped out during the pandemic, lol) was coming along with him to Trident, as if that was enough for me to leave with him.
Now, it struck me as dodgy af that he happened to leave some cancer behind, then offered to perform surgery 3 weeks after initial procedure at the new cancer center. Imagine that! Now, I have a nephew who was seeing a MUSC Hollings Cancer Center oncological dermatologist for a lesion on his head. A biopsy had already been done in Oct/Nov 2021 at MUSC which was negative. That doctor was also part of the Trident 'exodus' from MUSC. Around the end of Nov, he notified my nephew that another biopsy was needed, which, if positive would need surgery, all at Trident, of course. My nephew ended up going to a different oncologist, at a different hospital system(Duke University Hospitals). And guess what that doctor said? No need for another biopsy as the lesion was NOT cancerous. The "exodus" folks were sued by MUSC because they had copied the complete files of all their patients! Not sure if the FDA investigated the incident for HIPPA violations or not--they should! To me, it appeared that the MUSC Oncology folks involved in the Trident exodus arranged things so that they would have a huge ready-made patient base awaiting every aspect of cancer care, from simple biopsies to complex surgeries! Imagine that!
On 8 Dec, I met with a new Oncology ENT, Dr Mady, a highly credentialed physician brought in from Boston to fill in as MUSC rebuilt the Wellin Clinic from the ground up staff-wise. She was fricking great!!! I checked her out online and was surprised at the astonishing amount of articles she had published in her career. I knew I was in good hands. Where the clinic had always been a extremely busy and bustling practice, it was now a ghost town! Everyone had left! Staff had been brought over from the Hollings Center to cover. Even today, the clinic has not recovered to the activity level as before, and is still sharing staff with Hollings. Dr. Mady examined me and said that she would present my case to the Tumor Board. The result of that meeting was no surgery and appointments with both radiation and hematological oncology specialists.
On 23 Dec 2021, I had videocalls with both of the specialists. The meeting with radiation did not go well. She wanted to do radiation, which I had been told could not be done again and I ended up with a permanent stoma in my neck. The side effects I had suffered from radiation treatments in 2016 was another reason I did not want radiation again. my answer was no on the radiation.
Hematological oncologist insisted that no more surgery would be performed on me, that a dual approach of chemo and radiation were my only recourse. Now this was a re-irradiation of the neck area. I had the laryngectomy because I was told I was could not have radiation to the neck area again. So here, to my understanding, I'm being told, in a roundabout way, that the laryngectomy could have been avoided if another course of radiation had been done!!! This greatly pissed me off!!! I tell the oncologist that re-irradiation would be impossible due to what several ENTs had told me before, thus why I'm currently and forever will be a lary.
I think word got back to him about my little nickname for him(especially since I told every damned person in the cancer clinic about his wondrous attitude), and he changed from extremely pessimistic to very optimistic. But I relayed a story I remembered as a kid. A guy made a bet that he could stay out on a very cold night on a mountainside without any gear or a fire. The bet was a free huge dinner if he won, reversed if he lost, but he would be feeding a crowd as it was a pub bet type situation. Well, he made it through the night and the guys wanted to know how he managed. He said that in a window of a house, there was a candle burning all night and it gave him solace and kept him from thinking about the frigid night air. His pals immediately started to howl, saying he had "heat" from the candle, so he lost the bet. He accepted the group's decision, and the following evening, he had the group come over for the free banquet he would provide. When it was time to eat, the door to the kitchen was thrown open so the aromas of the delicious food could waft into the dining area, and he said, "enjoy, my friends!" But no food was brought to the table! His pals began to vocally complain, and he said that if looking at a candle flame from a distance counted as warmth, then the smells of the food counted as their free banquet! Now the part I remembered and took with me from childhood onward was the portion of the story where he watched the flame of the candle all night. And how that was enough to provide his mind with the comfort he needed. Totally forgot the kicker of the ending, just the import of what that candle meant. What I relayed to my Palliative Care Specialist was that as long as my care team could let me know that there was even the slimmest chance that I could beat this, then I'd be good. That no matter what, there was a candle somewhere in the distance--a candle of hope. Just give me that "candle", that small glimmer of hope and let my mind to the rest! Why tf wouldn't every oncologist learn to offer even a slight glimmer of hope to their patients? I have personally seen relatives be told that they had cancer and see their own personal light go out. Even when they were offered the chance to fight the good fight, they immediately surrendered to the idea of cancer. They let themselves die before cancer even had a chance to kill them! Fricking amazing to see someone be eaten so quickly by malignancy! So, people, tell the story about the guy staying warm all night by watching a flickering candle flame through a window a far distance away. Teach it as a story of hope and the power of the mind.
Accursed creator! Why did you form a monster so hideous that even you turned from me in disgust? God, in pity, made man beautiful and alluring, after his own image; but my form is a filthy type of yours, more horrid even from the very resemlance. Satan had his companions, fellow-devils, to admire and encourage him; but I am solitary and abhorred.' - Frankenstein”
― Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley, Frankenstein, or The Modern Prometheus
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| May 2022 |
“... no one can feel more deeply than he does the beauties of nature. The starry sky, the sea, and every sight afforded by these wonderful regions, seems still to have the power of elevating his soul from earth. Such a man has a double existence: he may suffer misery, and be overwhelmed by disappointments; yet, when he has retired into himself, he will be like a celestial spirit that has a halo around him, within whose circle no grief or folly ventures.”
― Mary Shelley, Frankenstein
it happens to me all the time when i try to eat. brings tears to my eyes it hurts so bad.
side effect from last surgery, damage to salivary gland and nerves
i have meds. the bite thing is just intense af but only lasts a few seconds, most is maybe 30-45 seconds, so it passes fast
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in order to stay at a really nice place while I have radiation treatments, i need a "caretaker" to stay with me. it would be 6 weeks in Charleston, with weekends on the farm. all the caretaker has to do is be there in case I need someone to call the doctor in middle of night, or call public safety to take me to the ER two blocks away. damn, and you would be perfect for this job, and be a great companion as i undergo radiation and chemo. plus it is in downtown Charleston so so many wonderful things to see during the downtimes when nothing is happening with my treatments, which is 99.99% of time there
doing okay. start radiation and chemo treatments monday. my second caretaker choice is 'sick' now, first one ghosted me. now will have to use a friend of my son who i don't have much faith in. not sure how good a guy who is a stoner gamer will react to a sick man who will be sleeping and out of it much of the time.
Had to get rid of the guy who came as my caretaker. On 25th, I got my pain meds refilled(120--10mg oxycodones). Thursday evening, I thought the bottle seemed light. Friday morning, I counted them and had 31 pills! Confronted the caretaker. at first he denied it, then later confessed. The fucker had been stealing my pain meds and other medications since we arrived in Charleston!!! So I am without a caretaker now. Place says I can stay without one. You mentioned in one of your messages that you would be homeless soon. You are welcome to come to the farm. I know you have wanted to do this for some time. You will get a place to stay and 3 meals a day. We expect 5 hours each day(9am-noon, 1-3pm), Mon-Sat. No vax needed. My son is managing things in my absence. I'll be back around the end of August. So let me know if staying on the farm is something you would now be interested in doing.
Had my first two treatments today with no ill effects. My first weekly chemo took 3 hours.
My first daily radiation therapy took under 10 minutes total time. Actual radiation only lasted 1 minute!!!
When I had radiation therapy in 2016, it lasted 15 minutes. The less radiation the better!
My treatment is going well
Radiation therapy takes under 10 minutes. Radiation is exactly 1 minute long.
Chemo takes 3 hours but 1 hour is hydration, 1 hour is medication and supplements, then 1 hour of chemo drugs. So far, no ill effects.
My SLP has had me talk to a few people pre-lary to put their mind at ease.
She says that my vocalization is excellent so she has had me talk with the head and neck oncology floor nursing staff. The staff never really get to see patients who are speaking, Only those fresh from lary surgery. So I'm a teaching tool, per se.
Though atm I sound like crap. Still healing from last radiation. My puncture is still a bit wonky.
I've had radiation twice. 2016 when first sarcoma was found. but all it did was cause a year of fricking intense pain and masked my cancer. when radiation cleared up, doc ordered another biopsy and cancer was detected so lary was next option in Jan '18. Developed fistula & had pectoral flap procedure in Feb '18. All good after that. Then Sept '21, felt like I had reflux 24/7. Begged for a scope to check things out, and finally my SLP did one and found a mass on base of tongue in throat. Biopsy said it was squamous cell sarcoma. Had a TORS procedure in Nov, Margins came back bad. Had another TORS in Feb, all cancer gone. Had DNA blood test in Apr, positive. Biopsy confirmed. A new sarcoma grew back in same spot, to same size as first. Grew another 50% by surgery in May. Bilateral neck dissection with latissimus dorsi flap. Week in induced coma ICU, at least 3 pulmonary arrests, week in h & n oncology wing, then home. Six weeks of chemo and radiation in Aug/Sept. Chemo was a breeze, radiation was 1 minute a day for 4 weeks, then 45 secs for 2 weeks.
all good now except for multiple aftereffects from both rounds of rad
i'm tired of starting to eat something and having stabbing pain to hit. then having to medicate and having to wait for it to hit me so i can eat. i'm tired of my food getting cold every time i eat be cause it takes so damned long to get it down. i'm tired of living on nutrition drinks and ice cream as they are cold and go down easily most of the time
The procedure brought my esophagus from 0.5cm to 1cm. so from 1/4" to 1/2". to put it in perspective. before regular vegetable soup pieces of veggies would get stuck. now chucky soup pieces get stuck, normal veggie soup pieces might not get stuck. ever eat butter pecan ice cream? the pecan pieces stick now. a cashew piece sticks. a centimeter is still small af
but i figure if each procedure can double the size, and i think 5cm is the goal--2" is normal, reconstructive surgeon said she rebuilt it to 9cm. so double each time. so 1cm -> 2cm, then 2cm->4cm, then 4cm->8cm. or it might only increase 1/2 cm each time. then many more procedures to get to "normal"
if food is really hot, and it sticks, then it will burn tf out of my throat, in the spot above the constriction
when there is a blockage, sometimes i need to go outside and massage my throat to get it out and everything above it. so everything i've chewed after the block happens. the cats love it. if i'm at a restaurant, i run to the can and clear the blockage into the toilet, feel like a bulimic
omg, not long after my lary, when i still had drains in, someone brought some acid over and wanted to know if i wanted to trip!!! i would have pulled every line out of me if i had. done soooooo many psychedelics in my life, but not sure if i would now with a hole in my neck.
well, i'm eating the same things as before, which was everything if i tried. it's just that i can swallow things which are a little larger and not chewed to a disgusting mush. did you ever hear the old adage that one should chew everything 32-4 times before swallowing? something like a chew for each tooth? i think it was for proper digestion. but if one chews to that number, it would encourage weight loss and other things. when chewing so much, it becomes an unpleasant mass. lol but, smaller bites means less chewing, so not as unpleasant. but it's better than it was. still eating lots of ice cream, but a steak and veg each day too
After my TORS procedure last Feb, i was on "normal" food my last two days in hospital. it was a "lary" diet. as all my previous stays had been "nothing by mouth", I had never had "real" food before in the hospital setting. i was surprised at how small they had cut up my food!!! like around 1/4" squares!!! something no one had ever told me before. so just cutting up food into tiny pieces made a gigantic difference in eating. i had had the occasional sticking of food prior to this. i used to joke about my "pelican pouch" that was my oropharynx area post-lary. it was funny how things would stick and it might be a couple of hours to realize it! lol. but last surgery made esophagus so small it was ridiculous. luckily, i learned to block stoma and blow to unclog the pipes. lol worked great unless i had a prosthesis plug in place to stop a leaky TEP then i was basically fucked when trying to eat and drink at same time. lol
i have no pain from things sticking, probably no nerves left connected in that area anymore. i've used nystatin solution as a rinse/swallow, & to use on brush to clean valve. plus mycelex troche/tablets that i use 3-4x day--these are allowed to dissolve in mouth to coat esophogeal side of valve. both are anti-fungal. I have even been given several courses of systemic anti-fungals. told my SLP that i was abducted by aliens and had my DNA spliced with a steakhouse yeast roll. when leaks start, then i will get really aggressive with cleaning, adding peroxide to the brush when cleaning, plus all of the above methods. but my body is prefect biome for biofilm. maybe my wittiness has something to do with it--i've always been a fun guy! lol but not all leaks have been from fungal growth. a few times, i've inadvertently pulled hairs from my esophagus through the valve, which kept it from seating properly. btw, the esophageal hair is from the pectoral flap fistula repair. a strip of chest skin was taken along with the pectoral muscle. and the chest skin strip was used to repair the esophagus section of the fistula. so now i have 2 1/2-3" chest hairs growing in the area opposite & below to the speech valve. my SLP thought i was joking about getting hair caught as when she scoped me and found the mass on my tongue, she was entranced by my hairy esophagus!!! lol even snapped a few pics of it for my chart(and probably to share with future students lol) when a hair is through the valve, i have to skillfully take tweezers, get a firm grip on it, and pluck it out. it hurts like a mofo to do so! have tired apple cider vinegar as some in the fb lary groups espouse, but not seen any difference using it. never heard of the biotene trick. my main SLP is in her late 60s and she has offered several tricks, but biotene is a new one too. but biotene is a mouth rinse, not to be swallowed. so how do you get it onto the surface of the valve?or is the brush dipped in it and applied that way?
night owl. but after lary, i have chronic insomnia. have taken sleep meds for it most of time, but since surgery, i have first bite syndrome. wouldn't wish on my enemies, but on my worst enemies, i would. imagine a red hot electric ice pick being driven into your jaw, into parotid salivary gland, and twisted whenever something makes your mouth water, or whenever you eat. it stops after you have taken a few bites. it returns if you stop eating for a few minutes, say if you are chatting.
so to combat it, i have been on 10mg of oxycodone since i started eating normal food, mid-august. with the oxy, i cannot take best sleep inducers. so my sleep cycle is fucked. might sleep hard for 2 hours, then wide awake for hour, then sleep light for 30 mins at a time. lucky to sleep 3 hours a night. after lary, went 6 months on 2 hours of sleep a night before doc put me on sleep meds. now, cannot eat unless medicated pain. so not sleeping again.
some days i do fine without sleep. today, oxy has had me noddy half of day.
i wore something around neck and a mask during most of first year of pandemic. was so glad to get vax. but the idiots who went maskless, oy vey! within a week of coming home after lary surgery, i stopped using tissue and started carrying around washcloths, tissue would break apart from mucus amount from one cough. and a few times i sucked in some tissue into trachea. won't deny that here on farm that i've let mucus rockets fly through the air. a handkerchief was too thin for amount of mucus too
the initial tube was a 10/55 which would tickle my trachea too. finally settled on a 10/27 which was prefect. tried a button, but stoma is shaped correctly to hold it in without strap. with strap, it hit the prosthesis wrong when talking so 10/27
because i had radiation before lary, i was lucky to develop a fantastic fistula above my stoma that grew and grew. my neck dissection for the laryngectomy failed to heal internally. it was like a zipper busting and unzipping inside my throat. in 6 wks it was almost twice as big as my stoma. so i got the pectoral flap repair. so i lost my left pectoral muscle, a nice big ass scar, and much of the use of my left arm. due to the pec going under the skin and over the collar bone, then above the stoma, the pec would cause occlusion of stoma without the larytube. and why i fought to try every possible size to find one that didn't irritate me
for past 5 yrs, i wore a lary tube 24/7 due to pec flap occluding stoma if i barely tilted my head. two nites ago, left tube in bathroom after cleaning prosthesis. discovered that 1-tube pushing against prosthesis was causing leaking, & 2-last surgery with latissimus dorsi reconstruction changed stoma shape resulting a-lower holes in tubes for speaking, b-no need for tube as neck shape evened out so pec flap no longer an issue. so for two days, i've been naked! bare stoma! and i'm someone whose never worn HMEs, except at beginning. was going through over a dozen a day due to coughing and filling them with mucus, and the fact that they would continually "stick". i mean i would talk and the damned thing would get stuck in closed position. meaning i could not breathe at all!!! then i would be in panic mode trying to pop the damned thing out before i suffocated. so no more HME for me. now i spent 80% of time outside in the humid and buggy air. only once last year, when gnats were horrible, did i ever have anything get caught in my tube and that was a single gnat. so i'll see how things will be this coming summer.
any time i've done anything lary-wise has been when i go for TEP changes, or when i was at MUSC for 6 weeks for treatments in Aug/Sep. I live 2 1/2 hrs from MUSC so it's not that often that i'm there if i can help it
get enough lary community here on fb, so going to conference is not something i would do. nor go to the ATOS meetings they have often. here on fb, the pity party folks are bad enough, wouldn't want to be stuck for a week or weekend with them. lol jeez, they irk the shit out of me sometimes, especially the "I will never speak again" or I will never use a prosthesis, only a electrolarynx", or "I let my puncture close and make my family wait on me hand and foot because I was an asshole prior to being a lary and i shall remain one". jeez, get a grip! why have life-saving surgery if you are giving up on life as soon as you have it??? lol but i will write a huge comment telling those folks to get their head out of their asses and LIVE! you may have seen one of them in the past. wrote one when i was in the hospital in May. Also posted a crapload of disgusting pics from surgery showing progress of healing so folks wary of surgery would realize how fast things go back to normal.
China is full of larys. i've hosted over 70+ chinese and after getting throat cancer, so many of the folks from there have a father/grandfather who had throat cancer then a lary
japan has larys too, heavy drinking and smoking corporate culture causes cancer
no need to remind me of anything. we all need to give ourselves extra TLC on occasion. only during this past 6-9 months have i tried to relax and actually not do anything at all. went full-swing even during the pandemic, no breaks really of any kind for last 12 years. sleeping late is somethin i never did, nor just staying inside and not going outside all day. felt odd at first, then i realized that i was like a raw wire arcing all day and night. nice to sleep through the night, even if medicated.
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i read a book by a brit naturalist/biologist who was also an animal behaviorist. 'the naked ape' by desmond morris. he also did 'the human zoo" about human behavior as a group.
as an aspie, the book made understanding people so easy because he looked at humans from a behavior standpoint and most of what we do is instinctual.
and it wasn't until i was 42 that i received a diagnosis of Asperger's, so add life as atypical on top of it all, and you might get a glimpse of what it was like for me, emotionally and mentally. after my diagnosis, i asked Linds how she felt to have taken advantage of a developmentally disabled man when we first met. lol we had a good laugh about that. and she had a better understanding of me and how i was when we were married, meaning my mannerisms, my habits, my shutting down when over-stimmed, etc
Two of my sons were diagnosed with Asperger's.
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I'm into rocks And used to make jewelry. Do you know Black Market Minerals? That is the retail outlet for a company out of Kissimmee that deals with gemstones, rocks, fossils, etc.
Wow, you got a ton written in a short time--must be on your cell phone. And we have a lot in common! I cared for my mom who had Alzheimer's for a bit. Left Michigan to come back to the family farm to care for her and deal with the farm. Two of my sons were diagnosed with Asperger's.
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My degree was in Biology as that was what my small liberal arts S. Baptist University offered. Studied entomology as continuing education courses as an environmental health specialist. Took tons of courses dealing with public health issues.
My son whose house burned is one of the ones on the spectrum, so that makes it difficult to a nth degree. Especially with him making a plan to take the necessary steps to make a long-term plan to get it restored.
We are like-minded. Have chatted with a few lary folks over the last few years. But it seems that many were trumpster divers. lol Stayed at Hope Lodge in Aug/Sept and tried to get the staff to put a parental block on FauxNews on the common area TV. Made them rofl, but they wouldn't do it.
I never got a master's. FB doesn't let you show work without assuming a degree was earned. Did graduate work in Public Health, Sports Medicine, Cellular Biology, Education, and Entomology. Life took me away from coursework. Then realized I didn't need a piece of paper to prove my knowledge. With life on the spectrum, I intensely study subjects for a few years, with topics overlapping each other, reading everything possible on a topic. With the internet, I can gather all the books written on a subject for a thorough review of something. Have in the neighborhood of 12-3K books. lol It's not hoarding if it is books!
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btw, when contacted by a scammer, chat for a while, then type "alaye". It is Yoruba for 'scammer" and will make the scammer laugh and think you are one too. Like you, I enjoy trolling scammers(and trumpers)
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I am with you 100% on that. It is so easy to screw with them. I started going on confederate pages and posting about how the US Army kicked ass and end the comment with USA! USA! USA! and you could see heads spin because the rebel lovers are racist trumpers too, so trying to defend the rebs conflicts with their ultra-patriotism. The smoke from the sawdust smoldering in their heads was visible online
or using multi-syllable words while trolling right-wingers
or asking trumpsters about immigrants when so many have Asian or Eastern European wives. Love making the snowflakes melt when they realize a libtard can fight back. bwah ha ha ha ha
I stopped at a country store in the area in 2019 for a quick pit stop and there was a lary, old dude with a magat hat doing scratch offs and cussing up a storm. Didn't say anything to him because I was in a hurry and magat.
Another time, I took the farm volunteers to a laundromat and met an older lady who was a lary. We chatted for a while.
Growing up the man who leased our farm had a brother who was a lary. So I knew him most of my childhood and teen years.
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Had a niece who lived in Lakeland for years. A sister in Apopka. A slew of Cousins in Jax area.
And I loved going to Venice for the fossils and shark teeth. Tourists snagged the shark teeth but ignored all the fossilized whale bone, turtle shell, skate plates, etc.
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majority of what I've read are non-fict. though in last few years, i got into graphic novels. started reading with comics so seems fitting to get into them again. have huge collection of too reads. most casual reading of news and such is online, book reading is at bedtime. meds make it tough to read as some nights i have insomnia, others nod off within ten mins of hitting pillow.
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my son is a computer whiz. was an anonymous member involved in DOS attacks after wikileaks diplomatic docs drop in 2010--that got his mom's house raided by FBI and all electronics taken. But my ex has uncle who was a read admiral and aunt who was counsel for NCIS so no charges for him from that escapade. but he learned value of books when he was here for first hurricane of his life. he was surfing net and power went out. asked what to do, and i handed him a book and said "read!". so he values my collection as I am very prepared if grid goes down as I have reference books for almost everything. lol
international trips are cool. saw you are planning a trip to japan soon. my travels have been limited to hosting international folks on my farm. have hosted folks from 53 countries . 30+ from Japan so you are in for a treat when you go. I hope to go back to the UK in late spring/early summer, if i can get big enough gap in appts and get esophagus dilated enough to eat somewhat normally again. shrunk to 0.5cm after May surgery. dilation in Dec got it to 1cm. having another dilation on 30th, so maybe 2 cm after that one.
When i moved back to my hometown, i think i raised the average IQ by 50 points. lol a friend started calling me nikipedia and another said asking me a question was faster than using google. lol has a huge vocabulary and has won numerous poetry awards which attest to his ability to act as a thesaurus. which led to people referring to him as the word man when younger
MUSC in Charleston, SC, I live about 35 miles due north of Myrtle Beach, SC, literally on the NC/SC border
I had a spinal cord tumor about 15 years ago and went to MUSC for the surgery, so that has been my go-to hospital. plus it is largest medical center closest to me. for NC hospitals, I would have to drive 3.5-4.5 hours away
i intimidated teachers. for years, they would never call on my. my mom told me, when I was in my 30s, that teachers told her that if they called on me, i would never answer the question. i would tell her everything i knew on the subject and she couldn't break in once i started. i was always in the principal's office for disrupting class. lol easy way to get rid of me for a hour or so. was in gifted program, which was another way to get smart kids out of the classes.
understand completely about healthcare. had a gf who had back pain. docs acted like she was drug seeking. it was perforated ulcer. delayed treating her--no ins--and it ate into her liver, pancreas, etc. in 3 years, over $5 mill in bills. i have Medicare now, last year i hit $1 mill in June for billable procedures
and i have friends in UK who are fricking shocked at US medical care. especially when i screenshot a bill and post it. if someone they know goes on about privatizing UK health system, i post a screenshot or two and they think it is a joke
i feel ya, Alzheimer's is hell on the patient and more so on family. you watch the person who raised you slowly die, but their body is still their interacting with you and it can become pure torment
i write as i talk, tons of info given, can overwhelm a person when i talk. when i had the electrolarynx, my SLP told me to pace myself and breathe every few words. i was like i can talk without breathing at all this is fricking great!!!!! even now i will forget to breathe when talking and get light-headed af
rather than spend the money to give a proper education to the bright ones, let's just stick them away. when i taught in late 80s, they had started drugging the smart ones. the kid who had his hand up all morning would take his pill and not another peep out of him. sad af that has happened
after moving back to hometown, i realized i had nothing in common with these people. lol had lived in a university town for the previous 10 years so always had great convos and coffee houses for socializing. here it's redneck bars with 5 alcoholics and church. neither were things i need in life lol having the farm thing with the volunteers coming to learn organic methods and permaculture gave me purpose and the intellectual stim i needed.
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understand. in Winslow, AZ, had the absolute best green chili from this tiny ass grill in a tinier one man teeny camper parked in side of dirt parking lot on a back street. thought it was dodgy af and thought "food poisoning" as soon as we pulled up, but OMG, so good. had a container of it drop on filthy van carpet and i was scooping it up with a spoon and eating tf out of it!!!----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
kazoo had its share of interesting characters. i imagine many university kids saw me as one of them at the various coffee houses i frequented. just some kazoo housed mental guy, would have been homeless any where other than michigan which had fantastic community mental health servicesGIs in vietnam referred to uncle sam as uncle sugar due to all the shit the govt wasted overthere.
uncle sugar is the dude who runs the country. wears stars & stripes motif clothing. used to stand outside the rickman house in the zoo and wave at everybody
don't you remember the old Uncle Sam dude in full costume who lived in the Kzoo Rickman Hotel/home for the ex-mental patients
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Written in a reddit thread: Lived in Kalamazoo, MI, for about ten years, and I hung out in a succession of coffee houses. At one, the afternoons were quiet and not very busy, so it was a great place for me and my gf to sit and read while enjoying a nice cup of gourmet roast. A few times a week, this cute, petite 19y.o. would come in with her bf. As she was also a reader, over time she would strike up conversations with me about books. And whenever she came into the coffee house, she always greeted me. Sometime during our acquaintance, she started attending church and found Jesus. From then on, she began every conversation with "Smile, Jesus loves you!" Not being a fellow believer, I accepted her new greeting with some perturbation. Finally after several months of this, I thought of a clever response for her. The next time she came in and said "Smile, Jesus loves you!. I replied, "Doggy Style!" As in "Jesus loves you, doggy style." That ended the "Jesus" crap. lol BTW, I was known as "Pagan" due to being a Wiccan and other things.
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The following items were added to the above reddit post after a flurry of typical asinine asshole redditor replies:
- I was trying to keep the story as brief as possible. Thus left out several details that were not pertinent to the story as I was keeping to the funny bit. The entire story is more complex, and more sad than funny.
- My gf was living with me at the time and always sat with me the majority of the time, unless she had an afternoon lecture. We were together 6 1/2 years before marrying. We were married for 12 years. I amended my post to add her to the story as well. So, not an incel.
- About the "cute, petite 19 yo", I was in my late 20s, a good head higher & had close to a 100lbs on her, wore a black leather biker cap, and was a brooding(quiet) person. Many thought I was a "pissed off biker guy"(as related to me by a friend whom they approached about me), when I was just a introverted, mellow, aspie, stoner hippie. My gf and I kept to ourselves. I was a regular at the coffee house, always sat at the same table every time I was there, a fixture in the place. In the parlance of the times, I was seen as the resident "coffee house guru" and resident male witch. My friends & acquaintances came to me when they had problems for advice, for amulets or charms, herbal "potions" and remedies, etc.
- And as I said, I was called "Pagan" so her doing the "Jesus" thing was seen by folks as her "poking the bear." When she did it, it came off as a little 'tongue-in-cheek' on her part. It became somewhat of a joke at the coffee house--the tiny Christian poking the burly heathen Pagan. This happened maybe 6-9 months after meeting her.
- Actually we remained friends, she just laid off the Jesus crap to me. And prior she had a habit of reading fluff--sappy romance novels. I would encourage her to expand her reading choices. Eventually she would proudly show me better books she had discovered, such as classic literature, non-fiction, etc.
- Forgive me for my misogynism for daring to mention her age, petiteness and cuteness. Actually she was about 5' tall, weighed about 80lbs, had wonderful brown eyes and porcelain features. Honestly, imho, she was a very stunning & beautiful young lady.
- On the other hand, her bf was a puny, controlling dick, who only put up with her chatting with me because of my aforementioned "presence". Even then, after a few minutes of her chatting with me about books and such, he would say to her "Let's go and leave these people alone" in a forceful tone. Their relationship was not healthy. About a year after becoming acquainted, and after the "Jesus" incident, I once noticed faded bruises on her wrists. Another time, she had "fallen" which is why she had a black eye. My gf & I discussed this and decided to step in, discreetly. The only time she came in without him, my gf asked her to sit with us. As we chatted, we worked into the conversation that abusive relationships were never good, that abuse would escalate, and someone in those circumstances could do much better, and steps someone in that situation could take to escape.
- I'm older(GenXer,57yo), have dealt with three bouts of throat cancer(two in past year and a half) now so I tend to find myself reminiscing about the times in my younger days. Plus, my daughter wants me to write a book so I thought throwing incidents from my past onto various subreddits would give me an idea of what might be good things to include in it. I apologize for the long-winded response, but giving the "rest of the story" may satisfy the ones who'd rather point out the negative things about the post rather than see the humor, which is what the subreddit is about. But, as I've learned in my life, some can only see the negative. The world is full of beauty and humor. Failure to recognize that, makes for a sad existence.
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wow, that's great to be able to work from home full-time. one thing good from the pandemic was the realization that majority of workers could do their jobs at home. read a book during the pandemic that was published a few years prior, called "bullshit jobs" that touched on that. would love to see the author follow-up that book with one dealing with same subject with reflections and data from pandemic included. https://www.amazon.com/Bullshit-Jobs-Theory-David-Graeber/dp/1501143336/
it is pride! i used to tell kids at Boogie's that the folks coming in spare changing/begging, were not in need. that those who truly needed help, would not ask as their pride would prevent them from doing so. that the kids needed to observe those around them and look for the subtle signs that would reveal who was having trouble covering the expenses of life
i see it with people i've met here. they worked under the table or for cash only most of their lived. or had jobs where they rigged the system so they paid little or minimum taxes & FICA. then they get fucked medically somehow & cannot work. they apply for SSD, but didn't earn enough to qualify so they can only get SSI. one ex-gf used to pull in a couple of grand a week with a traveling job, but had it set up so her pay was given to her as a per diem rather than commission salary as it should have been. so declared income was bare minimum. applied for SSD, got SSI. but SSI was only $500/month. she cried that she couldn't live on that. and couldn't understand that by screwing the govt, she ended up screwing herself
rush limbaugh added nothing of value to society other than hate. he is gone and out of most memory. his fans moved on and i doubt even think of him now. lol most of my fam joined the trump cult, but i knew they would because most hated obama "because". their "because" was code for 'black' lol
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- Collect books voraciously- they’ll never disappoint you. People eventually will.
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for a time i hosted WWOOFers, Workaway, HelpX, and CouchSurfers. I dropped wwoof due to disagreements with a new administrator who offered no support to host, especially with horrible volunteers(mentally ill, criminal, dangerous, etc). dropped workaway due to other issues such as mass mailings and repetitive emails about same things due to software that flagged things that were already handled. finally broke with them because they expected me to drive a hour to airport to pick up people without any compensation, i gave people choice of taking uber, lyft, or taxi to come here, or I could get them for 1/2 the cost. but people still complained. and in 2020 and after, quality of the volunteers went down as the amount of privilege went up! got to be ridiculous. after i quit wwoof, my son became a host, and i had his wwoofers who would come into my house at will, one even broke in two nights in a row! another said that by accepting them onto the property, they could do whatever they wanted to while here. and the admin would do nothing, even when sent police reports i filed on break-ins and unlawful entry. fucking nuts! i still host through worldpackers and helpx as international kids are usually great.
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A young lesbian I know from an ultraconservative religious family got married to her beard. You know the kind of family: church every time it is open, home-school the kids to keep them away from evil influences, constant drumbeat about the nation going to hell because of the libtards, hatred of all things 'different', etc. The marriage was expected by the family as the young lady's true nature would never, ever be accepted by her family.
Xena, Warrior Princess, marrying a kilted Tyrion Lannister!
If you need a beard, not go all out?
had a girl here about 6 yrs ago. really nice, but no matter what we were talking about, she was chomping at the bit to tell you all her wisdom she had learned in her 19 yrs. so, she never really heard anything she was told. she was from a small redneck town in Michigan. and she was cute, she completed a year of community college and got a job in a nursing home changing oldie diapers. well, a majority of her female friends had gotten pregnant either in high school or within a year of graduating. i noticed on FB that no matter what bs she posted, her friends would always remark about how she was smartest person they knew. and she dated a guy her age who was prematurely balding at 21. and he was not the best looking nor brightest dude. i image that every day, he told her just how lucky he was to have such a beautiful woman like her in his life. and he also would tell her how brilliant she was! so she was in a positive feedback loop. she didn't know shit, but more than anyone around her. but they all told her every day that she was a junior einstein. so she considered herself smarter than einstein. i got so tired of posting rebuttals on her posts that i had to block her posts, still friends, but no longer have to see any of her asinine posts. saves me so much time not having to try to correct all the dumbass shit she would post
she did break up with the bald kid, then started dating a guy who had kids that she went to school with. that was the weirdest thing to see. she finally dumped him and he became fb suicidal. you know the type, publicly posts their anguish and despondency in order to "get her back". I occasionally check out her page just to see how whacked-out she has become with her posts. when she went from deadhead/hippie/hooper girl to hard-core trumpster/antivax/conspiracy freak.
she researched online every day. only searched for info that reinforced her already formed opinions. she became anti-vax due to two of her friends who were pregnant at 15. they thought you couldn't get pregnant if they did anal before vaginal sex. the girl told me about them when she was a volunteer here
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i've hosted many gay kids and a couple of trans kids here on the farm. in michigan, i had a gay roommate for over a year, really nice guy. have the funniest story about one of the trans people i had a woman transitioning to a man, actor from NYC, great human being, stayed here 3 months a few summers ago. but when people in this country elect scum like trumpa and republicans who are openly intolerant of their fellow humans, then that kind of thing happens
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had a young woman come through back in spring. poor thing must have had a huge 'fuck me royally' sign on her forehead. she picked up a used van for a ""DEAL"" at $20K, then a "friend" "converted" it into a tiny home for here for another $20K!!! after she showed me all the wonderful things about it, i asked if she knew that she could have picked up a used nice RV for under $5K. she just stared blankly at me. lol and i was her first stop on a year or two long journey around the US. after 4 days, the entire solar panel/electrical system went all fucked and she had to go back to dude's shop that did the conversion for her. bet she had to put a few more grand into repairs
i hated to tell her about my old hippie van that i converted. $2K for van, $100 for wood to build bed platform and bench, and carpet padding dumpster dived
we built a small bunkhouse from recycled pallets here in '14. total cost of materials around $200. 8'x12' would be a bit more now, but pallets are always free. got a warehouse less than a mile from the house that will give us all we want!!! but we knocked it out in maybe 4-5 days total 1 1/2-2 days prep time, 3 days construction. and i know what we did wrong and how to do it better next time
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i was hoping for the girl who ghosted me about charleston, that she would be interested in typing as i rambled out stories. figured six weeks would have been enough time to tell some interesting tales and get them down. hard for me to type things out. the alice story i wrote today was one tale of wild synchronicities i've had. and odd coincidences. like my granddad being herbert gomez prince and my first college roommate being named herbert gomez.
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when I started hosting, it was great, so many fantastic people. then over time would get a wing-nut or two. then a few who were way out there. and as the years went by, so many acted like they had never been "house-trained". lol lol i had to set out some basic rules. those rules grew and grew. once had a 33 y.o. who did the craziest things while here. whan i asked why, she said, "well, you didn't say i couldn't do that", and what she was doing was just basic common sense things you would not do in any home, much less a complete strangers. smdh. will send you my blogger page link so you can see the rules as well as lists of the international kids that came and other little tidbits about the farm i posted over the years. most were on fb back when there was a section to add "notes" on our profiles.
with the hosting of volunteers, the vast majority were great folks, so many from so many varied backgrounds, so lucky to get to experience this in my own home. it was like traveling to the different countries every time i hosted someone international. and many brought small gifts to me from their countries. I have several gorgeous tea sets from china. lots of foods--snacks, teas, coffees, candies, you name it, something they could tuck into their suitcase to bring along for me! and most carried home jams, preserves, pickled peppers, herbal teas, etc., made on the farm!
l.
loved having kids learn how to make jam or other things here and then letting them take home something for their parents that they made with their own hands. had quite a few folks come back for another stay, or visits if in the area.
the amount of fruit in the solution gives it the name. all juice with no fruit + pectin = jelly; mashed fruit + sugar + pectin = jam; large chunks of fruit + sugar + pectin = preserves
made candied persimmon thursday with oven on 150F for several hours. but tonight it wouldn't heat up. cooked dinner in small toaster oven sized airfryer
even during first round of radiation, my lary, then pec flap, and recovery, and last bout of cancer, there were people here the entire time. after i came home from chemo & radiation, i told my son that i was taking a break.
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had a new vol come in monday who loves to listen and loves my stories, so i've been staying up with her until nearly midnight each night chatting, been thinking about you, even told the "ummm, smells like pig cooking" story tonight
First week never bathed or showered.
vol has been sitting in kitchen with stove on for heat for 3 hours, had heater on in bathroom but was too busy watching videos on phone to take a shower, trashed kitchen, said she had just eaten. who tf takes over 3 hours to prepare and eat food, she prepared nothing & nothing she brought into kitchen was cooked as she ate what i had cooked. wtf is wrong with people
yes, and she spent night before coming here reading over my rules multiple times(she said) so she would mess up
second day here, she pulled up a row of saffron crocus bulbs and was making them into salad dressing when I walked into kitchen and recognized their tops!
i turned heater off in bathroom and told her i did so. you think she would want to get a shower while the bathroom is nice and toasty, but no, she is now upstairs in her room and the hour the bathroom heater was on was wasted electricity. worse part is that i went into kitchen twice and commented about her needing to get her shower since she had heat on. third trip to kitchen, 45 minutes after the first, i told her that i turned heater off and not to turn it on again tonight.
the past few years have seen a horrible decline in vols. had a few goods ones, but the horrible ones outweigh the good ones. plan to renew passport in Jan so I can plan a trip to UK in spring. rather put money away for a trip than use it to feed and pay bills for wasteful people.
told her sunday afternoon that if she wasn't up and outside working as agreed at 9am, then i would have her removed from the property. so she has been up on time all this week
though last week she slept all day twice, then I had to beat on the wall of her room two mornings at 10am to get her up. (condensed: just had a US girl, 22, come here in dec. first week she was wonderful!!! second week, woke up at 5pm one day, 6pm the next, next two days got up at 1030am after i banged on her wall for 10 minutes. finally told her either be working by 9am or begone. asked if she was on any meds, no was answer, then she listed about 6 meds she was supposed to take but didn't bother with as they "crushed her animal spirit". third week would be up and working by 9am, but spent 1/4 of her time cracking and eating pecans, or doing things with my son rather than the tasks she was assigned. and in evenings would sit in kitchen eating for 3 hours and snarfing special xmas snack foods i had bought for family xmas eve gathering with son, his gf, and his buddy who lives here. and sooooo many other things that she did just to piss me off or to waste my resources on purpose. spent about 1 1/2 hrs her last day giving her a honest critique of her performance here, very nice and diplomatic, but basically said that she needed to get her shit together if she wanted to continue. didn't bother to leave a review of her stay, but i guess she thought i was going to leave a horrible one because she gave me two stars and said that i was hostile and unfriendly, and didn't realize that she should spend time chatting with her host! nuts!)
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i see it with people i've met here. they worked under the table or for cash only most of their lived. or had jobs where they rigged the system so they paid little or minimum taxes & FICA. then they get fucked medically somehow & cannot work. they apply for SSD, but didn't earn enough to qualify so they can only get
SSI. one ex-gf used to pull in a couple of grand a week with a traveling job, but had it set up so her pay was given to her as a per diem rather than commission salary as it should have been. so declared income was bare minimum. applied for SSD, got SSI. but SSI was only $500/month. she cried that she couldn't live on that. and couldn't understand that by screwing the govt, she ended up screwing herself
docs tend to keep dilaudid to themselves. i had to mention to an anesthesiologist that morphine took a damned long time to hit me to get it. and it actually made my pain go away after my 2nd, 3rd, & 4th surgeries. residents took me off it after last surgery, said it agitated me. when problem was that i could not breathe. and pain level stayed hit entire time i was in hospital
must be nice! i spent 5 months in orlando in '94, and my sis was huge foodie. went to plant city multiple times. i do miss the webster flea market though--so many great things for sale there
small town folks are close-minded, even in progressive states. i liken small towns to raw milk. the smart ones are like cream. it rises to the top and is skimmed off to go to universities. the kids from money return to give town its professional class--lawyers, optometrists, pharmacists, etc. the rest move to big cities after univ. graduation. and the ordinary folk who remain, breed, espec the dumb ones. lol. like the movie "idiocracy" so small towns become full of uneducated folk & trumpsters-wait, that's an oxymoron there. lol but you get the gist of it
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Or all religions? Or only one? Which version or denomination will prevail? Should the Catholic version be taught? Or Wesleyans? Or Freewill Baptist? Or Church of Christ? Should Latter Day Saints be the ones whose version of God is learned by Texas children? Or A.M.E(African Methodist Episcopal)? Or Jehovah Witness? Or Original Freewill Baptist? Should it be the doctrine of Pentecostal Holiness? Or Church of God in Christ? Or Seven Day Adventists? Or Methodist? Or Southern Baptist? These are only some of the different denominations in my small town of 2,500. Within 5 miles of our town center, I believe there are over 50 churches. Some churches only have 10 members. One church has 24 members and they are all from one family. One church sect says that their women should never speak in church, never cut their hair, never wear make-up, wear ankle-length skirts, & obey whatever their husband or father tells them(our mayor goes to one of these churches). Though some of our townsfolk travel to other towns to churches that look like entertainment complexes, with rock bands, coffee shops, tattooed & pierced ministers, movie screens, and that modern church casual radical feel. But are only Christian denominations in consideration? I'm not sure what the Chinese families in town believe, whether they are Christian, Taoist, or Buddhist. I'm sure most of the Indian families are Hindu, but I'm positive one of the Indian families is Sikh. A Japanese restaurant opened last year and I would imagine the owners are Shintoists. There are a few Muslims live in my tiny town, who operate a couple of convenience stores. Oh, I forgot that there are several Jewish families too. We don't have any snake-handling churches, that I'm sure of. Now If you were to look at an entire state, I bet there would be dozens of possible denominations and religions presented. What about the non-Christian families? Must their children be taught a religion that is different than that of their parents? Does the group that sends the most representatives to attend the state school board meeting win and gets their belief system taught? That doesn't seem fair to the millions of Texans who cannot travel to the state school board meeting due to distance, work, or other reasons. If the sect or denomination which gains control of the state school system is not the one I agree with, will I be able to take my kids out of the state school and get funding so I can send them to a school which teaches my belief system of Christianity or homeschool them so I'm sure they only learn what I want them to learn? Would this apply to anyone not agreeing with the "official" state school board religion? Does that mean the state of Texas would fund schooling for Catholics, Muslims, Mormons, Satanists, or any other group Whose religious beliefs are not deemed "official" by the state school board? I'm confused at why parents need the school system to educate their children in religion, as religion was what I learned from my parents and at whichever church my mom chose to attend at that time and/or the preacher she really liked at the time. Which is what a church is for, you know? This is a parent's responsibility--to choose what religion they wish their child to learn. and once the child becomes an adult, they either continue with that particular denomination, or they find which one suits them the best. As I am sure you have done. She made sure I was in church whenever it was open-->Sunday School/morning sermons, Training Union/evening sermons, Sunday dinner on the grounds, Wednesday night prayer meeting, revivals(mom insisted that the visiting preacher eat supper one night with us during revival week), as well as any special services that might be happening. Plus homecoming services at several different churches in the area. Growing up, I attended a middle class Southern Baptist church led by a minister, an old timey country Southern Baptist church(whooping/hollering, singing conventions, folks filled with the Holy Spirit at most services) led by a fire & brimstone preacher, and the upper class Southern Baptist church(which my family helped found in 1847 & I was a youth pastor there in HS) led by a pastor. And I got my university degree at Campbell Univ., a Southern Baptist university here in NC. I taught 8th grade science and was a vice-principal in a public school in NC. Barely had time to teach my subject, much less anything else. And I've been an ordained non-denominational minister since 1998.
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though for for years, while traveling and when living in Michigan, people called me "Pagan" long story behind that name. lol
and once i wrote that i had found jesus. relatives came out of the woodwork to say they were so happy as they had been praying for me. waited a few hours, then commented that he was hiding behind my couch and could anyone come and get him as he really needed a shower
occasionally i will post that the rapture happened 12 years ago and if you are still here you're fucked.
too many won't read nor step outside of the box their parents shaped them into.
my first trip to the UK, went to durham cathedral, which was fricking awesome. i was walking around gobsmacked, and mentioned to my brit gf how beautiful it was, and she said "built on the backs of the poor. the people would starve but the priests were always fat!" I remember during the recession of the early/mid70s that everyone was struggling to make it, but the preachers were fat and managed to "drop in" right before dinner so they would be invited to eat. and during the revival weeks, which were several times a year, the preacher and visiting preacher, plus their wives and any kids, would be hosted for dinner each night by a different family in the church.
This has given me a somewhat jaded attitude towards Jesus, God, "Christians", etc., and made me see religion in a very humorous way. As I said in my DM to you, almost none of my chest-thumping "Christian" friends have offered any type of support to me during this time. None have contributed a dime to my GoFundMe campaign, especially none of the well-off ones who go on yearly mission trips. So I tend to see most self-proclaimed "Christians" as full of shit, especially since the only Christian things they do is tell everyone they are a "Christian". True Christians will act and never need to say anything about their faith to you, since the way they live their lives is their testimony of their salvation!
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i'm having surgery in less than 12 hours. just wanted you to know that i'm here for you. even if i'm not able to always reach out to you, i got your back. i may be out of it for several days, but contact me if you need any emotional support. might take me a little time to reply, but i will. much love to you, and huge hugs
How people whom you've who have never meant project onto you expectations of how you should be:
Now, during the past year, I have been here for you.
During all your problems, I offered to help you, even offered to help your sister the times that you have asked me for assistance.
I've chatted with you and tried to make you feel better, tried to offer you solutions for the situations you have found yourself in.
A true friend is always there for their friends, is willing to help in any way possible.
And you have reached out to me so many times with the troubles you face.
During a few of my hospital stays, I spent time chatting with you about getting you to the farm, to get you to a better place than the one you were describing to me.
Even as I was in pain, trying to heal, you were reaching out to me for help, and I tried to offer what I could for you.
You post things that make your life seem intolerable, this has gone on for a few years now, and I want to make things better in your life.
You post things that make it appear that you are in a loveless, abusive relationship.
That you are with someone who wants women to think he is still available to them.
In so much that he refuses to acknowledge that you are together, not even posting that you are in a relationship on FB.
It confuses me why you tolerate this situation, other than what you have gone through in your past as your youth was hellish from what you have told me.
Yet during this past year that I have been here for you. how many times have you asked me how I was handling things?
Can you look through our FB messages and review how many times you held out your hand to me, to be there for me?
In the past year, were you a friend to me?
Do you remember how often you took time from your day to say "Hey Nick, do you need to talk about things?"
"Hey Nick, wow, seems like you are dealing with so much, is there anything I can do for you?
I have many FB friends like you, the ones whom I've never met.
And some of them did take time to reach out to me to check on me.
They cared enough to be a friend during my time of trouble--while dealing with cancer, surgeries, a hellish time of wondering if the doctors will succeed or not.
Do you feel that you were there for me during this time?
But you've shown me that my friendship with you comes with conditions.
And that I have to meet certain requirements to be your friend, which after three years I've failed to meet them.
I didn't know this before, but I know it now.
I only try to be a nice guy--I'm not a perfect person, & I have never claimed to be so for anyone.
I have always tried to be a good person, to treat people fairly, to be trustworthy, and to be trusting of my fellow humans.
I'm not a "mentor" to young people, that is something you decided to call me, a role you chose me to be in your life.
All I expected to be called by you was friend.
I have a sense of humor--people send me funny messages and sometimes I decide to post them.
Only some of my FB "friends" are people whom I've actually met.
A friend or a FB "friend" is not anyone to whom I owe a damned thing and only a few of them does a deeper friendship develop.
You were one of the few people with whom I've gotten to know better and who I would call a friend, and mainly because I felt you could use a good friend.
Nothing posted is done with the expectation of approval by any or all of my "friends".
Many of my posts I expect to offend at least a few of my "friends".
It pleases me to no end that you have known me for several years and it took until the past week to "offend" you with one of my posts.
I can truly say that you haven't been paying attention to my posts.
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In small towns around the US, gay marriage has always existed.
Gay men and lesbian women have always married and raised families together. It's how they have passed for decades in this country. Gay men marry lesbians, have families together, socialize with other like couples, operate businesses, hold positions in their churches, run for office, become ultraconservative, and have extremely homophobic attitudes. This is why we have homophobic politicians who rail against the lgbtq community and pass legislation against them.
Even now, in the 21st Century, this cycle still happens. I've hosted many American kids who were sooooo gay, but after learning of their family backgrounds, know that they will never come out. Quite a few of these kids have gone on to marry and pretend to have a happy marriage.
The US is such a f*cked up place!
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I had two favorite places as a kid.
One was Dameron's Drug Store and the other was the libraries--school and town.
Reading was my ticket to go anywhere in the universe.
My mom worked at a store not far from Dameron's. I was maybe 4 years old when she gave me a quarter and I went down and bought my first comic. It was a 100 page spectacular starring Superman, the Man of Steel! One hundred pages of superhero action for just 25 cents! This started a love affair with comics.
I think I was 5 when I disappeared from the house and freaked out the family. It took them forever to realize I had walked the mile to Dameron's all by myself. The magazine area was where they kept the comics then and it was on the far left wall. The bottom shelf had newspapers and was perfect for a little kid to sit and read. For serious free reading, I would walk to Dameron's Drug Store downtown to read the comics. Later was when they got a spinner rack for comics. By elementary school, the Lil Giant convenience store opened and it had a spinner rack too.
This lasted until I was 8 and got my first job mowing grass for our next door neighbor, June. I made $4 each week for mowing. About once a month, I would trim the hedges for another $4. In the Fall, raking the leaves would earn another $4. This meant I could buy 16 comics at 25 cents each!!! And June was nice enough to drive me to the Lil Giant and wait as I selected my weekly comic fix.
DC comics was my line of choice. The characters in Marvel books seemed to be a bunch of whiny little bitches.
Reading and collecting comics lasted until I was about 16. Price increases led me to stop buying them, plus I started driving and my odd job money went to buying gas. The Genealogy Bug had bitten me so I was driving to county seats in the area to do family research in the courthouses and libraries there.
I did go through a phase when I was married to my first wife in the late 80s of collecting comics. For about two years, I would get up early on Saturday mornings and drive to the State Fairgrounds in Raleigh to go to the flea market there. It had a stand-alone comics store in one of the buildings there. This was when direct sales of comics had just started. They had a pull service so I would pick up my weekly pulls, and rummage through the long boxes looking for the gems. My collection from childhood and from this brief period of adulthood totaled over 10K comics in 15 long boxes. One long box held the best of the best and the value of the comics in it was over $8K. This entire collection was stolen. I had stored the boxes at a friend's house which was being remodeled, and someone broke in and walked off with all of them.
Around the time I was diagnosed with cancer the first time is when I discovered again the modern world of adult-oriented graphic novels. By this I mean stories written for adults rather than for kids like they had been when I was young. I think I felt I was looking at the end, so I was reverting to things that gave me the greatest pleasure when I was young. The Books-A-Million at the mall by the airport was always a stop when I would go to pick up farm volunteers. I would always check out the discounted book area then look around to see if anything would catch my eye. This is how I found the clearance area for graphic novel compilations. I would pick up a few to read each visit to the store. A Facebook friend mentioned buying graphic novels at a place call Ollie's. This is a retailer which offers close-out merchandise at deep discounts. Most books were $2.99 or $3.99. I was in heaven. Though when buying discounted close-outs, you are never able to find complete storylines. I would fill out missing books by finding used ones on Amazon. Then I found Abebooks.com which had cheaper shipping costs. A few months ago I found a couple of other online retailers which offer most newer books at even deeper discounts. Plus a comic warehouse for back issues. Cancer had given me a reason to stop smoking, tobacco obviously, and after my laryngectomy, weed became too harsh for my trachea. The savings from the cessation of these two habits funded the restoration of my comic collecting. I have amassed over 2K books in the past 6 years.
The school library was a special place as a little kid. We got to go once a week to the library and it was so much fun! We would watch a 30 minute educational kid's show on PBS, then we had time to roam the shelves and pick out two books to take home! By elementary school, we still had the weekly library visit. I could also go by any time when classes ended and grab a couple of more books to take home to read. My fourth grade teacher cleared the way for me to check out extra books beyond the limits for most students.
Having a library card at the town's Public Library happened when I was 6.
I think I was in second or third grade when I had read all the books in the kid's section and moved up to the adult section. I read through the books of the library by genres. Sci-fi, westerns, detective, non-fiction(science, history, philosophy/religion).
I walked to the library on the edge of town until I was in the 4th grade. Then I would ride my bike there.
When I was back in town in 1996-7, I read so much that the librarian made a point to chat me up whenever I came in for more books. Not sure if she had anyone else in town who poured through books like I did at the time.
This love of books and reading is why in the fifth grade I was testing at an 11th grade reading level!
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Resorting to alcohol and drug abuse because altered mental states are the only way that you can "fit in" with the normies. Preferring solitude to a crowd. You can sit in a bar and drink and pretend you are sociable. Same with smoking weed. That became my sole way to "be friendly". "Hey, let's smoke a bowl/joint/bong." Drinking at the bar means you risked getting caught drunk driving, since driving under the influence was only way you were getting home. Bar hopping and/or clubbing was best way to meet women for random sex since getting the nerve up to ask someone out was damned near impossible. No need to pick up a social cue in a club since drunken groping on the dance floor was what happened as a matter of course as the night went on. Funny that once I quit drinking, my love life took a huge nosedive and became much more rarer. Getting arrested driving under the influence cost me my license for a year and that curtailed my bar/club going. By end of that particular year, I had almost stopped drinking excessively. Deciding to hit the road with the Rainbow Family of Love & Light was the reason I stopped drinking entirely. Weed smoking cost me a good career. But it kept me off meds
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