Ravings of a Lunatic--Poetry from my younger days

  Some of My Old Poetry

Some of my old poetry for ya... **********************//// =================== ********************** Hooded Whisperings - 11PM Sitting there, legs crossed, cloaked in black A smile touches her lips, she gazes into my eyes, Her hands hold my vision, my escape, my peace In her folds, I peer out and and see the alien world Surrounding me, castigating me, persecuting me Her fingers caress the nape of my neck I shudder ecstatically, lost in her mind We watch those about us, amused, afraid On my path she's been as a shadow, another self My footprints she covers with her own Face concealed, hidden, only glints break through My reflection stares back from the depths Our meeting long forgotten, our visits brief Our time enjoyed, despised, sought after, run from See my accomplishments, my failure Accept my friend, feel her mirth, her ire Cringe not, embrace and be filled. ************************* ===================== ************************** As you lie against my chest I hear the sweet whisper of your voice It carries softly across the pillow to my ear I feel the gentle swell of your breast in my palm The soft skin trembles subtly beneath my fingers Its warmth seeps into my being Your leg is across me, your arms around me You sink into sleep, your grip relaxes I kiss your cheek and you smile, at peace. ****************************** ====================== ***************************** Ramblings with the Dead Poet -- III Softly he touches my heart, he the dead poet As I sit thinking of last night in her arms He tugs away my exhaustion, tucks in my despair Entrenched in the hollows of my mind, pleasure screams Back into my sphere you have returned Discard the veil of sour memories, my lady Taste the new vintage, 'tis sweet and it warms The glow in my eye can no longer be called madness Lust fuels its fiery pyre, illuminated by your touch Follow the poet, he tells me of you with tenderness I, a steward of his teaching, entwined around the spindle Creating the threads to weave, perched upon this hummock I The clothes resulting cling to my flesh, moonlit tranquility His music intensifying the transition my spirit endures ============= ============================= ********************** The crucifixions are no longer painful The resurrections are swifter Like the feline I am resilient Cleaved from reality, from complacency Spittle flew, words thrown, wounds inflicted A battered torn carcass is hauled down Tossed into the darkness, Closed to hide the stench From the void I emerge again Refreshed, renewed, cleansed And begin the journey yet anew Looking ahead for my next Golgotha ******************** ===================== ******************** Fork-tongued friend lick my skin Creep caressingly across my arm Look into my brain, ignite the flame Do it all, abuse the imagination Toss off your tether, inhale my thought Crawl into the darkness, touch your illusions Storm front sweeps the consciousness Dreams swarm the plains, flattens conformity Lessens the blows of perception force-fed ******************** ===================== ********************* I stepped into the corporate cesspool And steeped in the mire of greed Order disregarded for cash, the evil green I watch others shrug dignity Immerse themselves in groveling Noses coated by their gestures Loss of identity, loss of purpose, loss of soul No life but the company lives At the expense of warm bodies, spirits The brain is chilled and stuffed Blinders cloak their eyes Only their path is visible They want you for their own I climbed out of their pit And shook off their yoke I look and see what I was What I was becoming I walked away, shaking my head ****************** ================ ******************* I donned my mask and steeped into the public light My thoughts were my own, my words theirs Only in private, behind the walls, could I be free Only then could my words be mine Only then could my voice evoke my mind's ideas The mask came with its costume, adorned my skin The plastic façade served well, for a time Until the metal glove ripped it away Exposed the Concealed, opened wide I squint at the glare The delicate pallor I'd acquired Tanned into an invulnerable shell ********************** -=============== ********************** Don't brand me a criminal Or look at me with disdain Keep your thoughts to yourself Control your urge to condemn My choices and their consequence Remain my own, of free will You may doubt my judgement See the wrong in my ways My decadence to you is irrational You see me enslaved, trying to escape I reject your force-fed, faceless ideology Your hypocritical views of my morals I have expanded my vision, my consciousness And I see the fallacies you uphold I look beyond the bonds that hold you I leave you behind as I proceed to my dream ============ ======================== ============ Stone for stone is the price we pay The norm paints black the rebel soul The man's stone is harder than ours Its pain resides as an ebony letter A heavy penitence for our ramblings A toll to break the traveler's purse A fist we raise in defiance A voice full of power to be unleased To call together our brethren to join And unfurl the mob, bring out the smoking guns Our pleas are simple, we ask not much Leave our stones unturned and let us rest Peace to you, my foes, and love to the earth ************************* ==================== ************************ Numbness sweeps through my limbs My thoughts are swathed in thick clouds Afloat in a blissful sea of peace Tranquility has filled my cup I sit drunk in its sweet bouquet Worry is not found and rest comes easy I am calm, in harmony within my space The crowds are gone, all is silent I smile inside at this serenity I feel A comfort to the mind A tonic for my sanity I see the vessel looming in the distance I have yet to earn my passage Though it will soon be won *************************** ======================== ************************** She came into my life, Without warning, so sudden, yet somehow expected Her eyes were brilliant with an indescribable glow Piercing my defenses, opening my eyes, my mind, my heart She was a vision of beauty, of lust, of unfulfilled desires Massaging a bruised heart, caressing a wounded soul, holding a hand Her heart, injured in the past, hid in a saddened soul, Waiting for something, someone to lend a shoulder, or a hand She was afraid, I think, to open sealed doors on bad memories Crying and opening up always hurts, but it can heal Her heart captured mine and she encased it within her own Warming it, comforting it, bestowing upon it magic She caused me to re-examine my life Revealing a façade of lies, unhappiness and misery Her love gave me strength, taught me to feel real love Showing me what a pleasure life can be She is always on my mind, in my dreams, in my soul **************************** ======================= **************************** I am hungry for a love That I have yet not found Morsels I have scrounged Crumbs I have gleaned But the taste is imagined Not entirely real The hunger lingers Approaching starvation *********************** ===================== *********************** No one cares as I lay in this hell As the daemons from the edge reach for me Alone, my strength diminishes with each battle Until no fight is left within, only surrender The torture begins slow and increases intensity as the night grows Longer with no solace gained, just sorrow In which I wallow shamefully, hoping to sink In its murky depths and end the pain No one hears the pleads for assistance, they watch As gore crows, wanting only to pick at the flesh After the end mercifully arrives =========== ============ =================== Misted Sympathy I'm sorry--I never expected to fall But it hurts to get up after the fall to brush off the memories to shake the dreams If I took more than I should (though I'd take more if I could) If I stepped beyond the barriers If I crawled into a present so torn by the past Then I have no excuse Except for hope Except for something I long Except for a blank space yearning for fulfillment Perhaps I have mistakenly read nonexistent signs In my quest for happiness My ears tell me it was nothing The burning inside my soul tells me otherwise Is it wrong to look or is it wrong not to look? I meant no trespass, I meant no sacrilege I only trod the path that lay before me I travelled it freely, aware of the danger to me, to thee I accept the conditions that be with regret--but not with a sense of loss but with reflection--that which was --And that which cannot be I feel the absence of your presence ******************* =============== ******************* Adrift on the sea, swept away by the currents The tides have risen, no holds for the anchor Storms have tossed and pummeled the hulk Why is life this way? A tempest inside the mind Torn from safe harbor, rudderless, ripped sails Awaiting beaching or casting upon rocks or reef The wheel spins in a chaotic blur, an orgy of discord Stricken to its decks, chained to the main mast Frayed filaments of rigging lash across my face My penitence for birth in this foreign world ************************* ====================== ************************* Her eyes looked deep into mine As her lips glistened in the soft glow of the waning moon I stroked her long tresses with the care of a jeweler The feelings I felt were those of love, of caring and of longing A longing that couldn't be expressed by mere words Waves of total completeness sweep across my being when she is near Beyond my grasp is the means of understanding my love for her Destiny has intertwined our lives in such an intriguing manner Soul mates cast into the sea of life, drifting into each other's realms Friendship became love due to circumstance, needs and desires Bonded together to live in happiness, emptiness filling with love Realization that it could not be just a random happening After the first time, bonded together in mutual satisfaction and pleasure Came the knowledge that it could not end there That it could not be stopped, love in the fast lane, non-stop She opened the cold steel of my heart, gave me a piece of hers and Gained mine, which was released into her care No worries, for I know she will handle it with the utmost of gentleness and concern Hurt her? Never in a million lifetimes, for she is my life I love her, I do, more than words can say Woman of my dreams Fulfillment of my hopes and fantasies I will love her until we part forever, hopefully to meet again Somewhere ========= ========== ======== Stone for stone is the price we pay The norm paints black the rebel soul The man's stone is harder than ours Its pain resides as an ebony letter A heavy penitence for our ramblings A toll to break the traveler's purse A fist we raise in defiance A voice full of power to be unleased To call together our brethren to join And unfurl the mob, bring out the smoking guns Our pleas are simple, we ask not much Leave our stones unturned and let us rest Peace to you, my foes, and love to the earth ************************* ==================== ************************ Numbness sweeps through my limbs My thoughts are swathed in thick clouds Afloat in a blissful sea of peace Tranquility has filled my cup I sit drunk in its sweet bouquet Worry is not found and rest comes easy I am calm, in harmony within my space The crowds are gone, all is silent I smile inside at this serenity I feel A comfort to the mind A tonic for my sanity I see the vessel looming in the distance I have yet to earn my passage Though it will soon be won ========== ==================== ========= Ramblings with the Dead Poet--IV Incense perfumes the room with the exotic The sacramental pipe is cold yet ready for flame The poet was sanctified upon the television And I saw Christ nailed to a post Icons abound and no response reveals The sacrament is offered for the inspiration And the poet screams his hymn in the dark The lava rapidly boils in the chasm The music ends, all is over, the dead poet sighs His touch reaches my mind, gives a caress My eyes open once again, inward and onward ************************ ===================== ************************ Shy eyes, why do you hide your smile? You flit from face to face searching for nectar Behold the sweetness they conceal Savor the goodness of the family Take the hands of your brothers and sisters Accept the hugs and realize te love A love shared by few, yet much valued Shy eyes, when you lie asleep tonight Dream the dreams of happiness And smile for me again ************************* =================== ************************* I have wondered why the attraction was strong As I pulled myself away, I found myself again with you The times were never pleasant, though pleasure was there You never saw it through these eyes you never saw it with your heart Your eyes were shielded by venomous words cast my way Turned viciously from me, you swayed to and from me Caught in the whirlpool of your life, I fought those currents Safely on the stable shore of myself, I reflect to those times And see the part of you that was so well hidden, so deeply buried Your fear and the hauntings of the past have brought withdrawal Yet the few moments I saw the curtain descend My love grew tenfold, the tribulations of the past forgiven If only I could have that part of you always ************************** ===================== ************************* The paradise of childhood, so fresh and inspiring this nation brought waves of pride through my being Eyes sometimes misted by the feeling she evoked Now I want to turn my back, run away This nation is infected, a plague of ignorance, persecution I've seen her raped and defiled, despised and rejected Her innocent children beaten down, punished, dulled My course leads away, though I look back now and again I hope paradise returns, so I may also ************************* ====================== ************************* Your touch is absent Your memory mired in delusion I wonder where you have gone The one I thought I knew I have sought the answers But the questions escape me I see you tear down what little was there I feel the artic your heart has unleased You run with no destination Only fear as your guide Only pain as your torch May you find the peace forthcoming To the torment that blazes through your soul And may fortune end the misery that haunts you =========== ===================== ========== Mother, do not think of me with shame Do not question my decisions Do not condemn my life Mother, look at the peaks I have reached Look at the climbs that have taken me there Look not at the trips Or the consequential falls Mother, look past my scars On my body and inside me From the many spills on my life's journey I heal as I go, the best I can Mother, love this child you have brought forth Smile at his accomplishments Tolerate his understandings Mother, offer no apology, just acceptance ************************ ===================== ************************** The night arrives earlier, sneaking unsuspected Its cloak dampens the spirit An palette of leaves fill the treetops As autumn drags in its season of melancholy And seeks to mire lost souls in its muck the sucking mud of depression thrives in fall And spreads in the wake of the fallen A true heart finds the hummocks And strides safely in bliss, unsoiled ****************************** ================================== ******************************** Hooded Whisperings--2AM He sits there with his offering in his hands Whispering my name, calling me to accompany him To travel to the worlds beyond this To journey along unseen trails From empty sockets, his stare penetrates my soul From an empty heart, a warmth can be found From empty arms, acceptance is granted With his shadow I roam this world Seeking kindred spirits, finding their brotherhood Sharing portions of our lives Sharing our minds ************************* ====================== ************************* The embrace conceals not the contempt The kiss has lost its succulence Words cease to mean anything of worth An aura of hate, of spite, dwells about you Your life is a lie, falsehoods as protection Deceit lurks within your actions Behind your smile a scowl lingers, disgusted See the stranger looking from the vanity mirror Ask her where the love has gone ======= ================ ======= Trample me underfoot with stiletto heels Macerate my hopes, pulverize my visions I cringe at the thought of your abuse Yet I am drawn toward you haplessly Lust bursts through, crashes headlong into your web Lured by raw passion, a calling talisman I cause you tortured yearnings, dangle you over the chasm My solitary parry to your endless siege of my mind *********************** ==================== *********************** Have you been shocked enough by my words? Have you switched off the normal me And now see me in the robe of night Shaded by your traditional blindfold By your contorted expectations of sameness? Proportional disposal of ego follows illumination Yet enlightens the resulting vacancy profoundly Standards dig at the helm of the pulsing glow You undress my dignity, try to occupy my flesh No weirdness in my normal, sanity a mirage ************************ ===================== ************************ Ramblings with the Dead Poet--12AM Run with the words, move with the rhythm The dead poet chants unheard musings His voice penetrates my nerves His scream whitewashes my brain We share a hidden rage and an open anger No one understands our meanings Don't be afraid of our message Tell others what you hear, what we say Feel the wholesomeness of the sharing Listen to the stories he tells See the music that builds the song The framework supporting the words Enabling the deciphering of the truths Your face hangs in my mind Crying for those happier times I can't wipe away the insane tears That flow with goodbyes Listen close to the dead poet as he sings Words on a page show a message Words in the air reveal meaning =========== ================== =========== Woeful are the lonely arrogates Unaware of the mind's kaleidoscope Oblivious to the prismatic hallways there Searching for that mythic transcendence Though refusing access to the corridor The mathematics of life spell our probability Of success, of failure, of strife, of tranquility Tune in to the eternal flame Blaze in illuminated glory Trip the rim of eternity, devour time ************************* ======================= ************************* What chord was played? What heartstring was plucked? The words brought a tear to your eye (Slowly down it slid, carrying away the emotion provoked) I saw the feeling beam from your being I saw the hurt that you felt, as I had felt before A heart sits helpless in this lonely world Anything, anyone, can take it, at its/their mercy When I now see you, I will see the tear And remember my reflection within ************************** ====================== ************************** Smile at the devil, grin at your gods Laugh with the saints, howl with the demons Bark with the priests, mumble with the martyrs Kill with the zealots, rumble with the redeemed Look again at the foolishness our faiths lead us Walk away in pride, carry on righteously Stash dignity in a tow-sack, knuckle against Wear humility in a codpiece, offend modesty ================== most of these in '91-94...and off we go... ======================== *************************** We feed on each other, parasitic Our dark sides meld into light Our passion is engulfing, ultimate The fire burns obscenely, perverse We limit our time, sometimes we deny them Overindulgence would destroy or demean There cannot be insignificance assigned Nor can backs turn from the glow *************************** ========================= ************************** Your smile floated across the room and settled in my mind Beside the conflagration sparked by your eyes, in my soul Beautiful fledgling regale in my attention, in my gaze Grovel not to those reprehensible and irascible Accept my homage, release me from this labyrinth of doldrums A demure and precocious lass, a stop for this transient existence A fortuitous event, extant in my memory, ossified in my heart ********************** =================== ********************** We feed on each other, you and I We target the sorrows of our mutual past And tug at the scars from before And laugh at the blood we bring The poison seeps, our prison keeps We languish in our created hell And burst the other's blisters with glee And wish for salt to scour the wounds ************************ ====================== ************************ Disemboweled at the roadside Eyes glazed by the touch of Death Body twisted unnaturally, I looked away The nation's lifeline takes another love Just a puppy, unafraid, foolhardy No great loss, just a touch of sorrow Anger throbs but stops short of release Just a carcass, unmoving, dead ================= ==================== *********************** I run my fingers through her lovely locks finding paths and journey about in manual bliss I look into the depths of her eyes seeing the bright glow of her love, dimmed not I feel her skin softly pressing against mine warming the very being of my soul with its fire I hear the gentle movement of air in her bosom flowing with the beating of her heart, summer breeze I know she cares with all compassion loving me and being there, as sure as sun rises I touch her ruby lips with mine sensing their yielding openness, drawing in my soul I can only love her with everything I am giving all, expecting none, receiving her love in return ************************* ======================== ************************* Just a note to tell you that I've been thinking of you To let you know how much you mean to me It's hard to think about even losing you, to see you go To let you walk away with all my hopes and dreams The memories we've shared and the memories yet to be made Are but part of the strength that drives my will My love for you is unyielding, an enormous force that cannot be tamed It overrides my thoughts, yet it opens my soul to your caress Fighting for control of my emotions, I left you yesterday Leaving behind my heart an soul gazing at the road through tear- misted eyes As the road grew between us, the void inside me became greater and greater Everything that I look upon reminds me of you It seems you are always on my mind In my thoughts constantly, in my heart forever When you cross my mind, my heart grows heavy Twisting in agony of breaking--held together only by the hope that I am the right one for you The worst pain of all is the fact that I can do nothing It is a decision that you must make, I cannot keep you If you do not want me to be yours I drift alone for a moment in the desolate chaos Apart from my soulmate whom I have set free Until the time I see your beauty again I love you and will love you forever ********************** ==================== ********************** I wanted to call her but was scared she would answer I called her and was afraid she would answer and be mad I called When I got no answer, I felt relieved and saddened I just wanted to say 'I love you', but I don't want to interfere with her self-quest I have realized how much she touches my life, influences my thoughts, dominates my heart In subtle ways, I felt her presence at my side, while it is greater felt in my heart As I travel through the land, I hear her gentle laugh, feel her sweet smile as her eyes gaze warmly into mine She watches me over me and I try not to hear her calling out my name When alone, she wanders through my thoughts, tugging lightly at my heart I want to tell her how much I love her but I am afraid it might drive her further away I can only hope that when she finds her self, she will find me beside her

=================== from 1989.... ********************** ===================== ********************** I had a date with a memory last night She was as lovely as ever, though ever so quiet She didn't have much to say, as I held her tight She provided her warmth to carry me through She brushed aside my sorrow, made me not so blue She gave me her heart, which I held so true Love was given to me, together to grow old Time was no question, with her it was gold As sleep overtook me, she slipped slowly away Leaving me alone--to join me another day ********************** ==================== ********************** I stand at the window, looking out Hoping that she will come by Hopes that are like smoke, to vanish in the night I would be so happy if she dropped in Speechless, with probably a tear in my eye I would tell her how good she looked and Offer a hug which would melt her heart Would she take it for what it is, a confession of the heart Or would she take it as a ploy to prevent her loss Please come, oh please come---without you, there's nothing, with you, there's sunshine And hope---come back, darling, and you'll never be in Want of love again or ever question my love for you ************************ ====================== ************************ Today, she was by my side, not in body, but I felt her still I long to hear her voice, whispering 'I love you', but That I may never hear again because she has left me I hope that I am doing the right thing, holding on To let go is impossible when it involves your heart A fragile thing, I gave it to her without doubts or fears As I took hers as my own--it would be hard to release It and harder to accept my own, for fear it would be Crushed under an unbreakable sorrow, never to heal